The x-axis

I can hear the hands of my watch moving, persistently. One lousy click after one lousy click. Consistently after every second. It does not disturb me, though; they distract me during this waiting time. I am a tiny bit nervous. Only a tiny, the size about one drop of Chanel number five.

I am sitting in the fifth (out of twenty) chair. It smells of coffee beans and sticky cheese, all melted inside a crunchy ham and cheese croissant. Although I don’t have a drink, and I don’t have a croissant. I think I would spill it all over my silky blouse if I was to. My hands shake a little.

I am wearing two coats of cherry-red nail polish, which match the colour of my trembling lips (and I think I am overreacting here). We were supposed to meet at 10.00, but the hands are moving close to .20. He always has trouble getting out of his apartment. He is a terrible liar, that is why.

‘Sorry, plum, I am late’, he calls me plum for I am always wearing underwear of such colour. I believe men are attracted to intense, dark colours.

‘No wonder – what was it this time?’, I tried to sound upset. He says that I curl my lips in a very irresistible manner when I am upset.

‘Suzanne started crying. She believes that I am having an affair. She could not find my old socks, she says that I have far too many new expensive socks to her taste. She does not think this is normal’

‘How did you get away from this?’

‘Well, I said (quite charmingly) that socks cannot really be that expensive, can they. And that anyway my old ones were all torn and my toes were always peeking out, like a cuckoo watch, and it was rather uncomfortable. I then said that if she was so jealous of my designer-looking socks, I would buy her a pair straight away’

‘And not to me?’

‘Oh, you are jealous too, my plum? You know that I buy those socks just to impress you, don’t you’

‘Don’t be silly. I never get to see them.’

‘Because you don’t let me, if I may’

‘You know how it is. Have sex with someone. Have repeatedly sex with someone. And then all the butterflies go away. Really, they do. And so you have to find another affair. And it is tiring. I only want to abuse of you, of our secret meetings, to keep interested in myself. To feel sexy. I do love my husband, but I don’t want to betray him.’

‘Don’t you think we are betraying your husband, honey?’

‘I do not see why. I keep my sanity. I maintain my spirits healthy. When women we feel attractive, we can be on top of everything. My skin glows, you know. And it is not precisely because of my 4-apples a day regime. It is because I feel attractive. So thank you very much. You must know you are responsible for this. So, please, do not show me your socks’

‘Don’t you think our butterflies will also fly away?’

‘Well, they may. But we are doing this for our grown-up relationships’

‘You mean, my wife, your husband’

‘That is it. There comes a time when the attraction line in the attraction-level-graph drops down, not abruptly, but maybe a little, every day, without you noticing it. You do nothing about it, and then it is how so many couples sign divorce forms. Because they stop trying. Loving is not an easy job. It is constant. Leave your guard down, and I assure you your graph will reach the x-axis.’

‘I don’t see how you compare relations with maths’

‘Oh dear, they are quite alike! Not all relationships follow the same patterns, though. In my opinion, the best graphs are the exponential graphs. Those that may start unexpectedly, with not much fire. But that, every day, they grow, and grow, and grow’

‘They never fall to the x-axis?’

‘No, they may do. That is why we have to see each other. In secret.’