This is how I deal with my fear of flying
I did not always have a fear of flying. I think, like many other of my phobias, it started around five years ago when I became more conscious about my mortality. Part of me thinks it has to do with fear of not being in control and from my belief of unlikely things happening to me during a flight. One of the most recurring scenarios that plays in my mind before I board a plane is “What if I get appendicitis in a transatlantic flight?”¹ Therefore, I only take planes if I really have to, like when going to weddings and visiting family. Otherwise, I keep to trains and buses, thank you very much.
I know that flying is one of the greatest feats of engineering and humankind, I am versed on how planes fly, and I have even watched the Jello video. But have you seen the state of the flying industry lately? Do I want maggots to fall on my head from the overhead compartment because someone decided that it was a good idea to pack a FRESH FISH in newspaper? Do I want to see people having diarrhea in the aisles? There is a market for everything but these experiences are just not for me.
Here are some things that are for me when it comes to the magical, yet terrifying, experience of human flight:
I am obsessed with the lifestyle of flying. I follow so many flight attendants on TikTok and watch their nomad day to day life of picking up groceries from all over the world and reacting to their upcoming flight schedules. This rabbit hole has taught me that Sabre is the main software for scheduling and staff planning, and that the best routes are attributed based on seniority (I guess the early years suck as you end up in random destinations like Ohio twice per week?) If you are not on #FlightAttendantTikTok, I highly recommend you join.
I go to the airports 3 hours in advance because I want to browse the commercial, food and drinks options that different cities have to offer. Did you know you can eat reindeer in the Helsinki airport? (RIP Rudolph🦌). I also buy trashy fiction books each time I go to the airport so I can spend my vacation carrying around 400gr of paper thinking that I will sit down and read a romantic comedy about women engineers falling in love with their archenemies.
I have a rule of eating only very standardized fast food at the airport. In a weird way, it gives me a sense of comfort, but also, I am not taking chances on experimenting with new food, or food that has been sitting outside all day, when I will be in a metal tube in the sky for the next few hours. Guess who tried fried rice from a local airport restaurant in one of our latest trips only to violently vomit for the next 2 hours in one of the only two available bathrooms? My lovely partner, who also likes to leave tuna melts under the sun and save them for dinner. Meanwhile, who has to negotiate with other passengers to get no fewer than 6 vomit bags from different aisles? My glamorous self. Don’t risk being seen screaming into an airplane toilet on #FlightAttendantTikTok — stick to the food that years of industrial engineering have been able to standardize and optimize.
Finally, there is nothing that gives me a better sense of accomplishment than being efficient when going through airport security. I live for getting a nod from the security agents when I am ready with my liquids in a separate bag and my shoes off (I think this comes from my people pleaser personality in a context of authority). I also lowkey love the drama of people trying to take things into the airport that are not allowed. Just recently, I witnessed a security agent open a toiletry bag from another passenger and point to a small plastic bag within it while calling the police and detaining the owners (I could not see what the content was, but surely something intense like illicit substances or fresh produce). It was like sitting front row as a camera person for those Border Security shows.
To end this post, I want you to manifest with me that in your next flight you will be upgraded to first class because you recognize your flight attendant from your favorite TikTok account. 🙏
¹Now I know that transatlantic flights’ route is designed so that any plane is at most 3 hours away from an airport. So I guess I would need to survive 3 hours with appendicitis.
