New Semester at Morehouse
There’s an air of expectancy at Morehouse College. In the two years I’ve been here, that air has gotten more dense and harder to bear on my lungs. In many ways I’ve grown fond of it, but it’s also taking a toll on my newly twenty year old soul.
I’m currently taking 19 credit hours, which is a lot apparently. I’m not too sure of my staying afloat in the upcoming stream of course work destined to hit me in the coming days. I’m in a major I can’t see myself graduating with, and I’m taking the courses necessary to enter the major I desire, but DAMN it’s stressful. I try to be humble about my fear, claim I love my decisions, put my blood and dna into my strife, and other Kendrick Lamar album song puns. I really feel hopeless at times. I’m aware of the fact that I need to socialize with people in order to be marketable, but most people have social media and, well, I just can’t do that.
I also made the arguably poor artistic/business decision to stay off social media until the project I’ve been working on is finished. It’s been more than a year and I’m not done any of the work I set out to do. I need seven movie scripts and 21 songs done, and since none of people I want to work with understand my vision I’ve been having to work on the stuff by myself. I only have 1 script and 10 of the instrumentals done, which is basically nothing at this juncture. I say I should call it quits, others say the work isn’t worth it. I don’t know what I want to do anymore. On the one hand, I need to make a name for myself in order to be marketable for those I plan on collaborating with, but on the other hand if I can’t be reached it’ll be hard to find something at this moment. The things one does for their career apparently. And maybe this posts breaks my sort of fast, even though it’s for a grade. But the situation stays the same. I need to able to adapt in these new and changing times, even if you want to make something timeless.
I’m in a state of flux. On the one hand I’m trying to be more sociable physically, but on the virtual end I can’t follow through. Sometime I think it’s good, other times I can’t relate to my peers. I want to live inside, find my pride before I lose my mind out here. And maybe I’m a fool. Maybe I’m not needed for the work to be done. This is my first post ever, so maybe these things won’t be so stream of consciousness diary diarrhea. But yeah, this is how I feel about the upcoming semester.
