“No more wasting time”
Do you ever wonder what you would do if you could call back all the time you have wasted? Would you spend it with different people or would you spend it alone? Would you try to make better decisions with it? What would you do if you could start right now and use life experiences and build a better journey? What is one thing you want to change about yourself? For me, this was questions that I forced myself to answer. After being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, I realized I had wasted way too much time. I realized that nobody was going to live my life for me and nobody was gonna volunteer to suffer my pain, my setbacks or my flares for me. Suddenly, without any warning, I had to change my journey.
I set back and took a long look at my past and took notes of mistakes I had made and I would use that list to become a better me. One of the top things on my list was wasted time. I had wasted so much time on the wrong people that I had to completely re-prioritize my life. I love God, my family and friends and a lot of my wasted time could have been spent building memories and learning more about God. I had neglected doing things that should have been some of my top priorities. After my diagnosis tore me down, I had to start at the bottom and build back up and I was going to build a better me. I have always tried to be a good person but like everything in life, I definitely had to make some improvements. I thought I had a lot of friends but I noticed after the blow of my diagnosis that I didn’t have near as many friends as I thought I had. It’s normal to lose friends in life and I was actually ok with it. I had always been told that hard times reveal your true friends. There’s not a more honest quote. In hard times you find the people that truly love you.
I started paying close attention to things. I started noticing who text or checked on me and sincerely ask “How are you”. I started noticing who wanted to know how I was feeling and genuinely cared when I was in a bad flare. Those 2 ladies will never know the depth of my appreciation for them. They cared about me, they cared about my husband and child and they cared about my life. They encouraged me. They lifted me on bad days, whether it was a funny quote or a silly meme they always let me know they were thinking of me. They walked through some hard times with me and they had proved over a long period of time that they were indeed my true friends. I was very blessed to have them in my life. It wasn’t only about me, they shared their problems with me, we shared advice, we talked each other through bad times and we prayed for each other. After 43 years, I finally realized what a true friend is. I was keeping those 2 and adopting them as sister’s. The love they showed and the depth of their loyalty was something that you don’t find in everyone. They were definitely a rare breed. We had so much in common in so many different ways. As you get older you don’t look for friends that make you popular, you don’t look for friends to go out and party with, you look for friends that respect that you’re married, you have children and little things in life like sharing a cup of coffee or knowing you have someone to vent to when your day just isn’t going well at all. If you have true friends that are willing to love you and be family to you then you are rich.
I could never understand why people had such desire to fit in a clique or squad. Once you get married and have children, how do you have time to worry about what the clique is doing or who they are hating on each day? Who has time to gossip with a squad or keep up with someone elses every move when you’re a wife and mother? I barely have time to get my chores done and do my errands. I certainly don’t have time to keep up with what so and so is doing and where so and so is eating, who so and so was talking to or if so and so is mad at so and so. It all seems so childish to me. Life’s just too short to be involved in stuff like that. I don’t have time to get on social media and post passive/aggressive rants to make someone feel bad about themselves or single them out for a mistake they made. I refuse to be mean to anyone. There’s days when I wanna tell someone off or get mad but I wasn’t gonna waste time nor energy being rude and certainly had no desire to be a bully in cyber world. I wasn’t gonna be mean to people and blame it on my illness or that I just had a “bad” day. I was dedicating those days to reading my bible and praying. I learned that praying for someone was a lot better than talking about them or “blasting” them on social media. I guess you can say that I had no desire to join the “social mafia”. I don’t want to be the facebook Oprah nor do I want to post my private life on social media and let the social mafia make up lies or speculate on what was going on in my life. It was simply none of their business! Insecurities are loud and confidence is quite. I have saw people let social media break up their home, I have saw people tell malicious lies on an innocent person and I have saw people post things that is a disgrace to think in private, little alone posting it for thousands to see. Does people not realize what they say reflects the type of character they possess. Social media exposes peoples true character one person at a time. One thing positive it did for me was to set as an example of the type of person I never want to be.
I decided that my social media was going to be positive and when I opened it, my newsfeed would not be insulting rants, cursing, vulgar, negative words but it would be positive uplifting informative posts made by people that are genuine and caring not bitter, mean or rude people that had something to prove. I wanted my newsfeed to be something I wouldn’t mind my child seeing. That’s what it should be. If you allow bitterness and negativity in your life it will start growing around you and consuming your time. I don’t have time to waste and I don’t have the spoons(energy) to deal with people that don’t wish happiness for other’s. You wouldn’t believe what a difference it makes when you kick negativity out of your life. I want to be a happy person, I want to see everyone happy. I don’t hate or judge people anymore, not even the people that hate or judge me. It’s their time they are wasting, not mine. I had vowed to save my time and energy and spend it with people I love. I was staying on a positive path and although positive paths still have speed bumps and potholes, it’s my choice how I proceed past them. I will not let them stop me! This is my journey and I am the one that will travel it. I am surrounded by love, I am surrounded by encouragement and I am surrounded by positivity and I am grateful for all of it. How you think determines how you live. I think HAPPY!
The positive changes I have made since I was diagnosed with a life changing autoimmune disease have been changes I needed to have made year’s ago. I don’t feel guilty for doing what I had to do. I owe it to my husband, my child and family and myself to keep making positive changes so I can be the person I need to be. I have limited my time on social media, I opened a new social media account and I am slowly adding and accepting friends. I am in no hurry. Before I accept each request, I ask myself what I have in common with that person and if I trust that person with my innermost thoughts and feelings and pictures that I post of my family. I ask myself if this person would be a positive asset to my life. I’m not being rude or mean and I’m not judging anyone, I am just being selective with whom I share parts of my life with. I blocked people that have in many ways hurt me or my family. Not because I hate them because I don’t but because it was in my best interest not to have contact with them. I refer back to a malicious post made months ago where I was bashed and lied on and anyone that liked or took part in that smear post has no place in my life. In fact, I don’t want to accept friends that would encourage or find any type of lying or bashing amusing or entertaining. Would it be funny or amusing if it was you or your family the topic of cyber hate? Would it be funny that someone posted a post about you that could hurt your child, husband or family? No, it wouldn’t so why would I like or comment on a post that could do that to someone else. I have started asking myself how I would feel if it was me before I do anything involving anyone else. There’s people in this world that has no respect for others. There’s people in this world that never consider anyone elses feelings before they open their mouth and speak. There are people in this world that does not respect the sanction of marriage or an innocent child and I do not want to be friends with those types of people. I refuse to be friends with those type of people and I refuse to allow them into my life. I will pray for them and pray that they never have to face cyber hate or worry that someone will tell malicious lies on them that could hurt their child/children. We live in a cruel world and if you have to be cruel to fit in, then I will never fit in. I wanna be good to people and continue seeing good in people. I am sad that I saw bad in people that I allowed into my life but I am not sad that I walked away from them. It was part of a change that I had to make to become a better me.
Life is full of lessons and these last few weeks I have learned a lot! Some people have no limits when it comes to their desire to fit in with what they once deemed as the “elite”. When you are not giving to them then they no longer have a reason to say nice things about you. It doesn’t matter that they have saw many struggles you have faced in your life, they will still kick you down and judge you without looking back at their past and realizing that they are accusing you of things they do on a daily basis. They judge your family as well as you without looking in their lives and noticing that some of the people in their lives have a long list of prior “horrific” history. They set behind a computer screen with every intention of recruiting people to join them in their mission to hate or destroy someone. They would rather be on social media trashing someone than to be spending quality time with their family. They even carry that bitterness to work with them and peek out the doors and watch for people to talk about. They put down someone elses marriage when they forget to look back at some of the “breaks” in their own. They accuse other’s of doing things to hurt them and they accuse others of doing things they are guilty of doing themselves. For some it’s ok to get on social media and blast people, accuse them of horrible things, rant about who hurt their feelings or interrupted their precious time when they are wasting precious time blasting what could actually be an innocent person. I wonder if they notice how many friends they have lost lately? I wonder if they ever stop to think before they type, how would I feel if someone was saying this about me? They post anti-bullying posts about how they hate bullying. Do they know what a bully is? It’s wrong and a disgrace if it happens to them but it’s ok if they do it to someone else. It sounds a little one sided to me. These are all examples as to why people change. These are examples of why people walk away or alienate themselves from these types of people. These types of people can become toxic to your life without you even realizing it. Sometimes you don’t want to realize it because they’ve been in your life so long. Many times you don’t want to realize it because you have to see past the good you have saw them do to see the true damage they do. Sometimes its just hard to give up a friendship when you feel sorry for the other person. You have to look at what has grown from the friendship and how much bitterness it often reveals during conversation. In order to strive for happiness you have to be willing to see the entire picture.
Even if they hurt you, instead of holding onto a grudge or bitterness, it’s best to lay it at the Lord’s feet and pray for the person that does you wrong. Sometimes its hard to do. It’s even harder when they repeatedly hurt you over and over and make it their life mission to cause you pain or heartache. It’s the first step in forgiving them and removing them from your journey. You become a healthier, happier you when you forgive the people that hurt you. No, you don’t have to forget it. You can let it serve as a lesson and an example. I pray for my lessons and my examples. I pray that they stop letting hate consume them. I pray that they quit trying to fit in and that they realize that each person’s journey is unique and it’s our responsibility to make the best of our journey. I remind myself each day that “he without sin, cast the first stone” so I know I have no right to cast stone’s. I know I’m never gonna be perfect but I am a work in progress and each day I become a better me. My focus is to become a better person and add happiness to the people’s lives around me. I smile more, I laugh more, I sleep better, I love harder and I look at every situation as a potential to learn and grow. I know it’s not gonna happen overnight but I am making the best of this journey and I hope that each step I take adds happiness to my journey. I will not waste anymore time in meaningless friendships. I will feed and water my friendships and cherish the memories we make and the ones we will make. I will no longer allow toxic people to enter my life. I might be selective in who I spend my time with but despite the pain, I will treat other’s the way I want to be treated and above all, I will pray for those who have hurt me and wish them well. My misson is to become a better me and each day is a new day to become better. #dontparticipateinhate #liveandlove #aboveallelsechoosewhatisright #dountoothersasyouwantdoneuntoyou