Why So Serious?
A tale of suicide, part one.
Seldom do we get the chance to save someone’s life, that’s why I always try to help others, standing with the poor and the sick. One time there was this moment where I stood overlooking the thick burgs of frozen ice rolling over each other as they passed by. I stood there holding something in my hand looking down at the water, trying to put myself in that place of mind where making it easy to do this was all it took. But I didn’t care anymore, and I think that’s the thing about suicide, people just don’t care anymore. But why? What are the things that make us do such things so powerful that we just totally give up on everything?
I looked up at the sky, the darkness was so black there wasn’t anything to be even seen up there. But I knew I could still contact him so I just cut to the chase. “I know you’re listening, I know you’re there so let’s not argue. I need help, I’m really trying hard but things aren’t working out. If you help me, I promise to help the sick the poor.” I emptied my hands contents into the freezing waters, and buttoned up my coat a bit more and kept walking.
I don’t know what made me not commit suicide all those years ago, too chicken given the choice of execution? Probably it was that moment when I looked up and said what I did, it was so honest and bold, “I know you’re listening, I know you’re there so let’s not argue.” That was enough to settle anything coming up from inside about all the crap I was going through and sick of going through. I just needed to know that the Great One was listening and if there was any question about it, no question of it had room to exist. It’s like I was mad at him, threatening my life over his lack of action.
People who commit suicide must be mad at someone other than themselves, who better than God? But I’m telling you now, it doesn’t matter once you make that choice. You’re dead.
There is no reset button in life, only retakes and do overs. There is an entire wall of obstacles standing in our way from life to death. But we all agreed to be here I believe. No matter how hard it got, no matter how bad it is, we all agreed to it, every last instance. Good or Bad, we found something to live this life for, out of all of that from then to now we found something so great and so worth going through for that we said yes to choosing this life. Some of us have yet to find what that was.
I’m writing this to share with others on earth to keep going, to look up and get mad, make a deal and go about your struggles. We are all warriors and for most of us who have fallen during the wars we fight on for you and in your name. When the war is over we will see you again.
Authors Note: This is the first of many published short works to come discussing stories of life, death and what’s the big deal about life these days. I hope you enjoyed reading, I always do. Writing is like making your dreams come true right in front of your eyes.