My life over the past year has gone through a variety of ups and downs. I have experienced some of my biggest failures and learned some very important lessons, not a day goes by that I don’t think back, reflect and work to improve to become better.

I can almost pin point exactly when I began to lose the game. There became a point where I stopped. I stopped learning, I stopped growing, I stopped feeling like anyone was really there to support me. This stall out lead me to do the unacceptable, I stopped showing up to win.

I continued to play the game and if you hadn’t known me before, you would have thought I was fine a C level player maybe a B level on a good day, but I wasn’t meant to be a player I was former coach and team captain, so just towing the line, totally not okay.

Those who had been rooting against me and waiting for me to fail were finally getting what they wanted and I could see them chomping at the bit to get me out of the game. The thing that hurt the most was that those who I thought were on my team, who I played side-by-side with from since the beginning didn’t see how much I was struggling and they were just ready to cut me loose.

I remember as I was about to make my exit and talking to my mentor, he said something along the lines of “I’m sorry, I know you’re not going to be able to do anything different you’re not going to be able to change”. I’ll never forget that conversation and how much that cut through me, how I felt like a failure. It took me a long time to move past that, but I know a few things that he doesn’t. I know some things that he may never know and quite frankly it doesn’t matter if he knows or not because in the end I refuse to fail!

I learned many things over the course of the year. I spent a lot of time reflecting back on moments where I had made mistakes, what I could had done differently and where I let my team down. Self awareness, patience and perception are some key areas I spent a lot of time focusing on. While I often asked for feedback from my coaches during the game, unfortunately, I was unable to garner sufficient insight, but this was also a positive because it forced me to dig deeper and dissect my every move to gain a better understanding of my failure.

As I continue to heal, I encourage you to remind yourself of the following every time someone doubts you:

1. I am not the same person I once was
2. I don’t need you to believe in me because I believe in me
3. I have my own definition of winning and I will not be defined by yours
4. The greatest victories are not those I have accomplished on my own, but are those I have accomplished with my teams and people I care about
5. I am fearless because if I never try I will never know
6. Every failure and every success builds upon the next
7. I am smarter and stronger than I was yesterday
8. Never underestimate yourself or let anyone else let you feel like you can’t make anything happen