Love — 4 little letters
so many different meanings
I can’t tell you when I met him or even tell you when I actually learned his name, but I can tell you for the last 13 years nothing has ever been the same.
Not everyone gets the opportunity to learn from love at such a young age, for better or worse an all consuming love changes who you are and excels your growth to the person you will one day become.
For these things I am forever grateful.
We’ve had a lifetime of love, a lifetime of pain, birth, death and everywhere in between and over the years we have become so much more, not lovers, not friends but family.
For over a decade there was nothing I wanted more than to be with him, to make him happy, to take care of everything he could possibly need. The feeling wasn’t mutual and it definitely wasn’t the kind of response I ever wanted, but was the one thing I needed.
I learned to take care of someone, put someone’s needs before my own and to work, work as hard as I could, because it wasn’t just about me, it wasn’t for me. I always needed to succeed for the people we were both going to be and there was no more “only” me.
As I fell, slowly and painfully from the perch I had placed us on I was banged, bruised and battered all the way down.
It wasn’t about the physical or the common end of relationship pain, I had lost more than my identity, I had lost one of the few people who was actually close to me. Little did I know that was the plan for me.
It wasn’t days or weeks or months, but years later I finally began to understand what it was like to be me, just me, but I also learned something else, I would never have to be just me if I didn’t want to be.
And one day I woke up and the past had melted away, but the foundation we’d laid remained.
Now I’m strong and solid, standing on my own two feet, but I am lucky enough still have him an arms length away.
It’s exactly how we were meant to be, not lovers, not friends but family.
Love means many things to many people, I never had security, I never had him fawning over me, but I was lucky enough to fall in love with someone who saw more than I could see.
It may not be easy, but I believe what’s meant to be will be. Sometimes you need to play to win even if you break a few bones along the way.