I laughed at how familiar this sounded to me. I have a very similar position in the queer community. I identify as a lesbian; my past relationships varied between women and men, and I’m currently happily married to a man. There are reasons why this works that I don’t need to go into right now, but it pretty much scotches my ability to move among the lesbian community. I’m part of them and I’m not, and it’s all far more complicated than the binaries were ever set up for.

I’m sorry you’ve been turned off to feminism by the anger. I think there is good reason for women’s anger, but that it can too often turn on the wrong targets like everybody else’s. That isn’t a flaw in the philosophy so much as it’s a flaw in being human. I won’t try to talk you out of what’s obviously a deeply considered decision; I’ll only ask you — as I ask us all — to try and be conscious of the cycle wherein each hurt person paints broad swaths over everyone with the same identifying marker as those who have hurt them, and avoid perpetuating it to the extent you can.