Mommy Mastering: Hey Ladies! You are not the father.
Father’s day in retrospect: Why bitter moms need to get up off of that.
Father’s day just passed and of course there is the conversation lurking around dealing with single mothers and whether or not they should be celebrated on a day dedicated to fathers.
If you are a woman who thinks like that, come close and let me talk to you baby.
Firstly, I am a single mother of two boys. They are 8 & 9 and the core of my existence. Everything I do, I do for them. That means the joyful and amazing things as well as the uncomfortable and tiresome things.
Throwing around a football with my son after getting a manicure.
Answering questions about body parts and their functions now that maturity is beginning to creep up.
Teaching my youngest how to hold a bat and swing properly (like my Dad showed me)
Talking about girls and crushes (not by force because my oldest is shy about that)
Explaining the art of war and deception as we watch action movies on our weekly movies nights.
Most people would think that these things sound like stereotypical father/son activity. I do them because it is what my kids need and ask of me. It is me nurturing who they are. That doesn’t make me a father.
It makes me a Queen of a mom and you as well.
Everyone has different situations, some women are justified in the animosity and hurt they feel toward unconcerned and inactive fathers. It is not acceptable and this is in no way a pass to those men AND women out there that are not owning up to their responsibility.
There are just a few things I would like for the mothers to remember.
1. You chose your kid’s father.
Does that mean that you are responsible for his parenting or lack there of? No. But when we come to know self -accountability there is nothing we can’t get through and accomplish. Ain’t you tired? Don’t you want to heal? Then lets just chalk it up to the game and accept our role in things.
2. You emasculate your son when you make statements like “I’m the mom and the dad.”
How is a boy child supposed to feel good and empowered about being a husband and a father if his own mother, who is his first teacher in his life, is telling him that role is interchangeable and irrelevant within the family structure? Where does he fit then? He can’t stay a boy forever, so when it comes time to be a man, how will he feel about himself? That compounded on to the fact that no stable male figure may be around as an example. It’s a double negative and you have stripped him of a chance. Not to mention the trauma he will have to figure out how to purge from his psyche on his own. It’s funny how women say they will do anything to keep their kids from being damaged however, they don’t see that their child is being damaged by that type of behavior. Just let that marinate ok?
3. It is a form of projection.
When you say that you are empowered as a single mother to take on both roles you really are crying out about being partnerless….it is very telling. You need to let somethings go. We all have those moments. We all want the family. (well a good majority of us) We all may get in our feelings about what went down and why. It’s one thing to go there with it, its another thing to stay there. Who does it serve for you to still be focused on what you wished would have happened. All the while, not seeing the it was divine intervention by the hand of God that it didn’t happen how you think you needed it to. Just keep living and make your peace with it.
4. There are entirely too many amazing fathers out here doing the most for their families and we need more of them.
They deserve their day to be celebrated and your baby daddy issues have nothing to do with them. They don’t need your negativity on their timelines. We never see single fathers shouting themselves out on Mother’s day…so please, just stop.
I take my hat off to anyone who is out here as a single parent taking care of business and raising healthy children. Part of that is knowing your limitations and building a community and village where your children can get what they need and thrive. I know and accept that I can’t do it all. Thank the Lord for my village. A successful single parent is a humble one and I will be the first to tell you it is trying. But let the bitterness go ladies and stop acting ugly.
Just be the Mom.
The best one you can be.