Photo Credit: Eva Blue

If I was successful…

If I was successful, I would have never been able to travel to Trinidad and Tobago, Nicaragua, or Costa Rica.

If I was successful, I wouldn’t have been able to see TobyMac, The Roots, Janelle Monae, Snarky Puppy, JohnnySwim, Kirk Franklin, Thousand Foot Krutch, Family Force 5, Lecrae, Andy Mineo, Tedashi, Trip Lee, Sho Baraka, Miles Hodges, Alysia Hodges, Joshua Bennett, Young the Giant, or Stevie Wonder perform live.

If I was successful, my parents would not have seen me graduate college.

If I was successful, I would never have written and published my first collection of poetry.

If I was successful, I would never have had my heart be broken, learn to glue the pieces back together, and venture into the world of love again.

If I was successful, I wouldn’t have seen the man my brother has become. I wouldn’t get to walk with my sisters through this life.

If I was successful, I couldn’t get to see my cousins get married.

If I was successful, I wouldn’t be able to create the perfect waffle-eggs-and-sausage bowl.

If I was successful, I wouldn’t have been able to watch The Wire.

If I was successful, I would never have heard “The College Dropout” or “Good Kid, Maad City”.

If I was successful, I would have missed thousands of starry nights, waterfalls, cloudy horizons, rainbows, sunrises and sunsets.

I would’ve missed fresh snow, summer rain, snow days, holidays…

If I was successful, I wouldn’t get to see what I look like with dreads, or with actual facial hair.

If I was successful, I would’ve missed the return of French Toast Crunch.

I would’ve missed the iPhone.

I would never have come up with the inspiration for The Listening.

If I was successful, I would have never met my wife, never had our first kiss, our first night together.

I would have never met our children, Naomi Alese and Noah Michael, never looked into their eyes, never heard their first cry.

If I was successful in my suicide attempts, I would have missed so much.

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