Bleed out trying…

Inspiration and some words from Joie in San Fran…

I’m growing everyday in my understanding of what some persons mean when they identify as Queer. My gender ‘appears’ to be cis male, and maybe that is how I identified most of my life… although I could argue that my actions, and personal concerns, and political leanings. etc… may have presented something different, that I just did not have the language yet to define…. I am also growing in my understanding of gender identity and sexual preference… what I have understood thus far, they are not the same… people mix and match these two realities in any way they like… ex. a transgender male preferring men as sexual partners… or cis men sexual attraction to a gay identified male… that’s the difference. Your gender does not determine who you might choose to be physically intimate with… and even that is fluid… also as much as I am into politics (which is not much) I think they could be called Queer as well.

I am concerned at times that I am overstepping my boundaries because although I do not consider myself gay… the terms gender queer and gender fluid definitively resonate with me… and again does that affect my sexual preference… not necessarily… And so then can I not identify as gender fluid… because I’m in what ‘appears’ to be a heteronormative relationship… I’m thinking I can… and again I’m learning… and am open to constructive, skillful feedback, guidance…

appropriation right??? a legitimate fear… to quote Jenn,

‘I think shame is a powerful motivator. We’ve seen it used for centuries. The term “Appropriation” is perhaps, a way in which to shame people into certain behaviors because we are afraid something will be lost… Cultural humility is my goal. My experience gets to be my experience. Same with you. Stand in your truth as you so. beautifully do because no one can say otherwise…it’s yours…’

I’m usually identified as ‘black’… and that is a whole other conversation about racial fluidity that we can have but let me catch my breath first… and being ‘black’ there were times when I would see people that were not ‘black’ doing/saying/wearing ‘black’ identifiers… and I would scream appropriation, which does not have a positive connotation… my thoughts, at the time, were how the dominant ‘white’ culture has no right and always have taken ‘our’ music and ‘our’ style and ‘our’ dreadlocks… first I think there is nothing wrong with that set of beliefs… I also believe that if one cannot poke flaws in their own belief system, it has not been examined fully… nor do people who have that particular belief system mentioned need my approval to validate that the way they may think is okay… not at all… that is not my point… it is though my point to express my evolution and its manifestation in my life… I’m clearer now on how I feel about appropriation… I do believe in honoring and giving credit due to the ‘creators’ of their styles of life… but in my mind, in this moment, that does not imply ownership of that lifestyle… not appropriated, a shared artistic experience…

Thus my hope is not to appropriate a terminology… it is to apply it to my life freely and respectfully… I have never experienced this life as a gay person… and again my understanding is that you do not have to identify as gay to identify as being gender queer…

To be honest… I’m a bit over labels in general and more into unicorns 🦄 (another label hidden as an emoji)…. I wish not to judge and let all be free in however they wish to express this lifetime, please take my dreads if you’d like and please allow me to dye mine blond… and just to note Mitzi has the most beautiful dreads I’ve ever seen… you can watch my 75% of the NBA being so called ‘black’ with reverence and joy, and emulate their style to the utmost! Just please let me wear your mala beads… are we cool??? who am I??? just Wayne… with a website called poetry4coffee…. and who is free… #happypride #genderfluid