A silent alarm bell.
Maybe that’s what anxiety is?
A shocking alert that you have self-work to do. The sirens scream that it cannot be ignored any longer. Now that you are awake without distractions, you have to fully find yourself, and build the person you know you can be.
Maybe you have this ‘illness’ for a very, very big reason. It’s here almost constantly now, a haunting ghost that whispers something must be done, that the time is now. You can always rely on anxiety to say the things you don’t want to hear.
And right now it’s shouting that there are dead parts of you that must be resurrected. It writes in the steam on the mirror in the morning that a predator within is dismantling you with fear. It states boldly: do not repeat old patterns of behaviour that have maimed you. It says: drop the naivety and pick up your intuition. Your story is wonderful, there is such beauty in your pain. It’s a reminder that grief is so, so real. That loss is so so painful. That love is an addiction and the lack you feel has left you in a withdrawal state. And the acute, irrational fear is enormous, even though it’s invisible.
If you didn’t have anxiety, you wouldn’t be looking deep within and learning to connect with creativity or the spirit of who you really are. You wouldn’t be able to understand the uniqueness of each individual’s suffering. Right now you would be a lone wolf without it, your nose to the ground. But now you will use this agony to join the pack, raise your eyes and howl at the moon. You can drink in the stars.
So garner your strength, make your plans, be emboldened by trust. Return to hope and love. Find safety within. Anxiety makes you a fighter. Consciousness does not mean death. It means a new wave of life.
But darling, it’s ok to cry hard, as you are, because this is real, and it’s the most pain you’ve known.
