You made a lovely, happy memory and lived, despite it all.
You just had an anxiety attack, and you let tears fall silently down your face and into your mouth as the taxi driver sat silently in front of you.
You breathed deeply as the pain constricted your arms and you felt the dread. You tried hard to relax as fear gripped its fingers around your throat.
This made you scared and lonely, so you ruminated, picked over mistakes and dug into your hurt.
You stirred it up and imagined the worst and told yourself you were weak for the anxiety coming back. You heard whispers that you meant nothing to him and that you are bad.
You had a lovely, lovely evening with such treasured friends, but you were scared as you travelled across London. Too busy, too noisy, too bright.
Listen, it’s all going to be alright. You had a coffee today, let’s not have one tomorrow. You had a glass of wine. Only one, granted, but you know that makes it worse.
You text him, and he replied kindly, but he still can’t be who you need.
Love yourself instead. Make yourself feel safe.
You are brave.
You didn’t take the easy option of going home and regretting not seeing your friend before she went back to South Africa, and your other friend you have sensed is having a tough time. You saw them, they cuddled you and looked in your eye as you talked. It was so, so nice.
You got home and had a bubble bath. You cried, and cried, and calmed yourself down.
You are still shaken and buzzing from the adrenaline, but you are safe in bed. You made a lovely, happy memory and lived, despite it all.
