Homophobia

I remember I was about 11 when I started using homophobic slurs. I used the words ‘gay/lesbian’ carelessly as insults, and soon, I began to incorporate the term ‘f****t’ in my sentences. I thought I was being cool lol. Don’t get me wrong though, I was not brought up in a very conservative or conventional family, and was rather supportive of homosexuality from quite a young age. Looking back at it now, it’s actually scary how I, supposedly supportive of gay rights, never knew that I was also a part of this bigotry that I thought I was against. I was not aware of how the remarks I made and the words I used could affect others so gravely, those who already knew they didn’t identify with their biological sex or fit the societal norm of heterosexuality. I remember saying and joking about things like “Going to an all-girls school would make me lesbian” or “Why’s he wearing pink, he looks like a girl”. It’s terrifying how societal norms had such a huge impact on me, how it morphed me, subconsciously, into one who embodied discrimination. And it makes me wonder, if someone like me could succumb to internalized intolerance at such a young age, what about those who come from conservative households?

What many people don’t realize is that homophobia in every form, no matter how trivial or profound, is unacceptable. Your prejudiced thinking/comments may not be as serious as the murder of a homosexual person, but it is those comments that create societal stereotypes, that contribute to the cycle of hate crime. I know what it feels like to have friends who have homophobia so deeply ingrained in them. In fact, if I’m honest with you guys, most of my friends are homophobic. Unaware of my sexuality, I’ve heard my friends say the most scornful things about gay people, and to be blunt, I am annoyed. My friends have blatantly talked about their ‘gaydar’ and how they have the special ability to tell whether a person is homosexual or not. This aggravates me. Homosexual people are NOT your toys. You’re not supposed to speculate someone’s sexual orientation, people can love who they love without you trying to guess their every move. Besides, everybody has the right to dictate their own sexual expression/orientation whenever they feel comfortable. I also always notice people around me instantly degrade homosexual celebrities when they come out of the closet, and I groan at how disgustingly bigoted people can be. Sometimes, I wonder if I’m being homophobic by not calling them out for their disrespectful assertions.

Just a few days ago, I was having a conversation with my religious friend and asked her how she felt about homosexuality. I expected her to be open-minded, for I knew her before she had converted and she was one who supported homosexuality. You can imagine how startled I must have been when she said, with conviction, that she only ‘believed’ in heterosexuality, that she loves homosexuals as people, but does not accept their choice of living. What is that even supposed to mean? How can you say you love someone and simultaneously believe that they’ll burn in Hell? More importantly, how is homosexuality a fucking choice?? Sometimes I think about whether straight people ever wonder what it’s like to be homosexual. Not in a “I would totally date my best friend” way because that’s bullshit. Have they ever imagined living in a world where being themselves could get them killed, where their own friends would believe that they’re ‘scary’ and would go to Hell, WHERE THEY COULDN’T LOVE WHO THEY WANTED TO LOVE. Do they know how difficult it is to come out to a bunch of people who are all discriminatory?

For those of you who’d say that I am being impious, I’m not. As a matter of fact, I am religious/agnostic myself and I respect & adore every religion. But I do not understand certain aspects of religion, including my own. I’ve always had questions about my religion, but that doesn’t mean that I do not love my God. I simply do not believe that the higher power, whatever/whoever is shown to love everyone equally, would discriminate in such a human-like manner. (if that’s a word) I do not believe that men are above women. I do not believe that homosexuality is a sin. My religion does not condemn homosexuality/women, but my community does. Even if you believe that homosexuality is a sin, is it your job to discriminate? Is it worth it for your intolerance to ruin the lives of others? Isn’t that a sin in itself?