Tee, I share your frustration, perhaps not in the same way, but I can understand where you are coming from. Like you, I believe I am a good person on the whole, I may fail in that at times, but the overall arc of my life is to be a good person. I do not consider myself racist, per se. Nor do I deny that I have bias and baggage that do contribute to prejudice hardwired into me. In short, I am human too.

I am also a person of color. A person of a race that has experienced prejudice and racist discrimination. I would be lying to you if I said that particular fact is not a filter I see life through. I would also be lying to you if I were to profess in anyway that I know what a black person goes through everyday in America. As Shari said, we are all different inside and we all walk different paths.

I strongly believe that all people are reacting to different degrees of prejudice everyday. Those that have experience racial discrimination will also say in all candor that not everything is a racist act. I don’t think I am special in this regard, but I can determine if a person is acting in a racially discriminatory manner by calling me a racial word — or if the person is uneducated in the offensiveness of that use or is just ignorant. I don’t take offense from the last two, but the first will set my blood on fire. Personally, I am more offended by people recently throwing the word Racist around in broad brush name calling without regard to its actual precise definition. I am actually more fearful of those who say that they are totally without prejudice because subtle (as opposed to overt which you can actively defend against) discrimination is the worst danger a person can face.

I have been feeling hate, anger, outrage, hurt, offended, and frustrated all within the last week over the national news. That is quite a spectrum of emotion. I hate having my emotions manipulated. I hate the entertainment media for not being held accountable for reinforcing images that ‘confirm’ the worst of racial stereotypes. I hate that those who know better purposely manipulate and enflame passions for personal power and prestige while stealing the message from those who have legitimate pain and injustice. I hate how our society never holds those accountable for the wreckage their manipulation brings. I hate those who have no legitimate claim to a social injustice, using it for their own gain. I hate those who have never, for even a second, stood in the shoes of those they seek to judge.

I rage for my classmates, friends, and battle buddies who are black and the disappointment, frustration, and fear that I see them face on a daily basis. I won’t presume to know their path or pain. It is impossible to walk in another person’s shoes. I may be a person of color and that gives me some insight, but that is not the same as being in that body. I am outraged at the people who share the color of their skin but engage in violent crimes and actions tainting my friends with their stupidity.

I hurt for my classmates, friends,and battle buddies who follow the rules and do what you are supposed to do to participate in the American dream. They have worked hard, studied hard, got good jobs, good families, nice homes, the respect of their co-workers, neighbors, and churches, yet I see the extra bit of fear if they have to travel outside their community or job. The fear that they will be endangered by police or people. The frustration that they will be judged not as individuals, but by the actions of those who share the color of their skin but engage in violent crimes and actions. I see it in their eyes as their children — who like all kids, believe they are immortal — walk out the door to go ‘hang’ with their friends and do not truly the threat they may face. I can see it in their eyes as they are frustrated over having to pay the price for others.

It is truly sad to see the fear in a friend who is a mother. Her eyes speak more than any words as her black son, who ironically has been more shielded and isolated from fear and discrimination because of her hard work, walk out a door to go ‘hang with the guys’ and is angry that he will be hassled. Sadly, no amount of discussion, no amount of talking, will help. No one wants to be punished because of the actions of another. No one wants to be scrutinized, suspected, lectured because of the action of another. Try telling that to a teenager, and again, the young believe they are immortal.

Maybe I have now become that old grouchy person on the porch, but I want to grab these young thugs by the neck and shake them. How dare they taint my friends’ life achievements? How dare they squander the opportunities that great men like MLK inspired a generation to strive for? How dare they think for a second that they have a right to usurp his peaceful methods and pervert them with chants of ‘pigs in a blanket’ and ‘dead cops now’? Lack of chance and opportunity? I want to drag their asses to Fallujah in Iraq and show them real lack of opportunity. Maybe drag their sorry butts to the Helmand province in Afghanistan and show them violence and poverty. That is lack of chance.

It pisses me off that entertainment media and the press show such a biased view of Black America. It pisses me off that we are only shown black violence. Really? Where the hell are the same exposure to the hundreds, perhaps thousands of hard working Black police officers? The countless successful, but obviously boring, business professionals who are, like my friends, doing everything right, but having to bear the albatross of these glorified criminal punks around their necks where ever they go.

I am so mad at the press and media for how I feel about police now. I know, intellectually, that there are vastly more good cops then bad. Yet, because of the press, I have that tiny fear in the back of my head now. I hate being manipulated into that feeling by sensationalist media chasing entertainment dollars. I hate that the true heart of BLM, which is non violent, has been hijacked in action and on the media by the ilk of the new black panthers chanting death to cops (even after the Dallas massacre).

No one wants to be shot to death. No one wants to be judged by the color of their skin or the clothes they wear. It is too bad that message by both Police officers and the BLM movement gets lost in all the political shouting. I wish we could just listen and try to understand.

I am so sorry for being long winded. I have used writing as a form of therapy and have used your note as a starting point to vent as well…Thank you for the indulgence. I hope you find some comfort in comments or articles and the fact that there are good people out there, many more than the few who make it on the press…perhaps they are ‘boring’ will never increase “audience share” but they are out there…in greater numbers than we know and in places we would be surprised to find out about…..