If you’re starting a new chapter in your life like starting a new relationship, a new job or moving to a new place, you probably feel excited, nervous and scared. I totally get it, because I felt the same way.
Even now, as I started a new decade of my life, a part of me wonders what it’s going to be like. “It’s going the best decade yet,” says another part — the one that’s responsible for everything I’ve manifested so far.
You can manifest what you want — it just requires you to decide that you can — with faith, courage, and gratitude.
If you wonder what practical steps you can take to start your new life, especially your love life, here are my top 5:
“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.” — Gail Devers
1. Create a vision for a new chapter in a new life.
I had the vision to live in a new home, and over a period of time envisioned it as if already happened. There’s one line of apartments in our building that we wanted to move into. It’s more spacious than the others, with lots of windows facing both East and West sides — perfect for watching sunrises and sunsets. The probability that something would open up there was small, but, just like a parking spot suddenly becomes available when you intend to get one, it showed up. By some intricate flow of events, other bidders found something else, and we moved into a fully-renovated dream home. What I did, without telling anyone, was visualize and feel gratitude for living there in advance. I go to the yoga studio across the street and would look at our “future home” at every sun salutation.
Just like for a new home, this visioning process works with creating a new relationship. Perhaps you already have someone particular in mind; you see him at your office daily or you like his online dating profile. Or, you haven’t met him yet but you believe he exists and is searching for you too.
Create a vision of what it would look like to be together on a daily basis. If you have a spiritual practice like yoga or meditation, expand it by including your visualization or feelization in your daily routine. You’ll be astonished at the unpredictable and surprising flow of events that will bring the two of you together.
“In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision.” — Dalai Lama
2. Prepare for your vision to turn into reality before it does.
Earlier, when there seemed to be no available apartments around, I started preparing for our new home by simplifying and organizing things. By getting rid of stuff, I was actually creating space for our new, beautiful, clutter-free home. I also found some furniture that would add more sensuality and romance to our environment, like a full-height mirror (think, dancing when no one is watching) or a cozy, soft and spacious couch (goodbye to the formal, cold, sticky leather couch).
When you take real action so your vision will manifest, you’re sending a powerful message to the universe that you believe it’s coming and you’re ready and prepared to receive it. For example, you can make room in your closet and empty a couple of drawers in your bedroom dresser, keep a six-pack in your fridge and a shaving kit in your bathroom — all for your man. Whatever you do, ensure it’s aligned with your vision and brings you closer to manifesting it.
“Our daily decisions and habits have a huge impact upon both our levels of happiness and success.” — Shawn Achor
3. Create new habits that match your new life.
Throughout the years, I noticed that it was much easier to create new habits in times of change. For instance, when I moved to New York City to a shared apartment that had a terrace, it was easy to start a daily meditation practice because that terrace offered privacy yet connected me to the energy of the big city.
Now, my new habits include morning meditation on the sundeck followed by a workout. It’s much easier to get some exercise done this way, because I have to walk through the health club every time I go to meditate.
Identify something you want to do on a regular basis and anchor it to something that you’re already doing. Take into account the change that’s about to happen, like starting a new job in a different city.
Let’s say that your health is super-important to you and you have a habit of going to the gym right after work; then you go right home, because it takes you an hour to commute back and you like to go to bed early. However, you just got a new job that’s a few blocks away from your home and so now you have two extra hours every day.
Your new habits could include going to the gym before work every morning, having dinner by yourself on Tuesdays (steakhouse bar, oyster bar happy hours and sushi bar are all fabulous options), taking a course on investing on Wednesdays, and going on dates with guys you meet through online dating (plus, guys you meet while dining solo) on Thursdays. If your goal is to get into a relationship soon, you’ll reach it much faster by creating new habits like these that enable you to meet more men in a week that you used to meet in a month!
“Everyone needs more support than they are getting.” — Sheryl Sandberg
4. Get support as you step into your new life.
As we moved into our dream home, I’m also investing into getting support to grow my business and team so that I can help more people. What I learned from years of upgrading my lifestyle is that once you experience “better,” you don’t want to go back to the old way of living. Yet, so often we are motivated and excited to start something new, but days or weeks later find ourselves back where we were, wondering what happened.
That’s why it’s so crucial to get support from a coach or mentor to help you expand your mindset and take new, massive action aligned with your new vision.
If you just got out of a relationship, started dating or got exclusive with someone special, make sure you get support from a professional coach to help you navigate through every stage so that you’ll get to where you truly want to be in your love life.
This month, I’m opening a few spots in my private coaching program and I’ll be happy to talk with you to see if we’re a fit to work together. Simply click REPLY and share about your situation, the challenges you face and what you want the most support with.
“Every time I say ‘no’ to a small temptation, I strengthen my will to say ‘no’ to a greater one.”— Mother Angelica
5. Say “no” to someone/something that doesn’t fit your new life.
I must have said “no” hundreds of times in the last couple of months to countless things that I no longer needed or wanted. Huge bags filled with stuff piled up by the entrance door and — BAM — I threw them away. My closets are half-empty, and there is much more space and energy in our home. There is a real feeling of freedom.
Imagine if you take the time to go through a drawer and say “no” to a couple dozen items. Then, every day you open the drawer, you’ll feel relieved and there will be a release of energy because your mind will no longer be cluttered with thoughts like, “It’s so messy,” or small decisions like, “This top looks worn out, but I love how it fits me. Should I keep it or throw out?”
Once you’re done with saying “no” to things, move on to people (the hardest but most necessary part of this exercise). Go through your list of contacts, including your social media and online dating accounts that probably have lots of unanswered messages. Clean them up quickly and decisively. For example, any guys who say words along the lines of “Hey, what up?” or “This site is terrible. Are you like all other women here, or better?” gives you the opportunity to say “no” — so pushing the “delete” button is sufficient. Keep saying “no” and you will create more space, time and energy only for the people and things that are worth your wholehearted “ Hell, yeah.”
So, these are my 5 top ways to create a new chapter — in your love life or beyond.
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