An Ode to my Vibrator

I am a creature of habit. I stand at the same spot on the subway platform each morning and evening. I sit in the same seat in the conference rooms at work. At college, I was scandalized when someone suggested we switch seats “to change things up.” I am also the type of person who, when I like something, I buy multiples. If a shirt fits well, I’ll buy it in every flattering color they have. I own 5 pairs of the same black pants. I find something I like and I stick with it. I’m extremely loyal that way.

So, it probably won’t surprise anyone who knows me that I have been using the same vibrator for over six years. In fact, I used my last vibe, the same model as my current toy, until it died after eight beautiful years. Let that sink in, I have used the same model of vibrator for over 14 years.

I did not always have this love affair with my vibrator. Although I learned how to bring myself to orgasm (thank you inventor of the hand-held shower head!) long before I became sexually active, I ran into some road bumps when I tried to orgasm with a partner. I found that I was one of those women who took a long time to orgasm from oral sex or manual manipulation. I also made the frustrating discovery that most of my partners weren’t particularly good at either skill. Additionally, I came to the realization that your average battery-powered vibrator, even the infamous Pearl Rabbit, didn’t do much for me. So, I declined when men wanted to go down on me, and I used my hand to get where I needed to go.

My magical vibe was a gift; quite possibly the most useful (and well-used gift) I’ve ever received. It was from a man I had met online. A significantly older man who was also significantly kinkier than I was. He was Fifty Shades of Grey long before Fifty Shades of Grey was a international phenomenon. During the course of our short-lived arrangement, he tied me up, he spanked me, and he gifted me with a Magic Wand. Well, technically, first he used it on me, and then he told me that it was mine to keep.

As soon as I used it, I knew I had found perfection. What usually ended in frustration or took 30 minutes to achieve was now resolved happily in 15 minutes or less. This toy was strong enough to provide the level and intensity of vibration that my recalcitrant clit needed. The long handle provided the leverage I needed to hit all the right spots. It was large, and loud, and strong, just like me.

I came hard that night, with him watching me, and it was amazing. Mind-blowingly amazing. We went out to dinner later that evening and my groin still was mildly pulsating. I wanted more and ate quickly, eager to try out my new toy again. He and I stopped seeing each other shortly thereafter, but I had a consolation prize and absolutely no regrets for my walk on the wild side.

Since then, my vibrator has been my constant companion, usually stored in my nightstand or plugged in next to my bed, ready to go. It has helped me through anxious, sleepless nights — when nothing else works, an intense orgasm tires my brain and body out. It has helped me through my promiscuous but sexually-frustrating mid-twenties when there was a steady parade of men who couldn’t get me off, or didn’t care enough to try very hard. It is currently what is distracting me from the fact that I am in a celibate marriage.

About six years ago, my original Magic Wand finally gave up the ghost. I wanted to replace it, but it is a fairly expensive product, so I held off, trying to make do with more primitive methods. As luck would have it, on a business trip to San Francisco, I was staying in a hotel very close to one of the Good Vibrations storefronts. As even better luck would have it, there was an online coupon available on one of those daily deal sites: $50 for $25. 15 minutes after finding the Groupon, I was walking out of Good Vibrations with a anonymous black bag in my hand, a smile on my face, and a bounce in my step. It was a very happy reunion that night in my hotel room; I had missed my old friend and we had lost time to make up for.

My Magic Wand has survived three moves, three jobs, a marriage, and having a child. I’m not sure how my husband feels about my sex toy; he’s never said anything and I’ve never asked. I’ve never used it with him or for him. In fact, the only man I’ve used it with was the one who gave it to me. It is my little secret and I don’t know really know about how I feel about sharing it with someone; with sharing what has become such a personal and private experience. What I do know, however, is that when this one eventually gives out, I will replace it without a second thought. Because, once you find a good thing, you need to stick with it. Especially if it gives you multiple orgasms.

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