You make me feel…
Back in 2009, after returning home from work, I just didn’t feel that good. I’d started to feel a bit ropey in the afternoon, but though a good night’s sleep would sort it out.
The next morning, I could not move, and my body was wracked with pain. I phoned in, explaining this, saying I must have the flu. I was signed off work for 5 months. Things were looking different at work with the possibility of climbing the next rung on the ladder; now it took all my strength to lift my head off the pillow.
So, what is Fibromyalgia? Instead of rabbiting on, here’s a link that will explain it without getting too technical and blubbery
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Fibromyalgia/Pages/Introduction.aspx
Fibro has not just affected me, it’s affected my family, my mental health, my work and, my way of living. I know when it’s getting too much- it feels like something weird in your veins, I scrunch my eyes up and ache more than usual. I know when a flare up is coming- usually after stress/exertion/a day out/etc.
Fibro doesn’t care who you are, your gender, your race, your faith, your class but you can help ease the onslaught/every day background “hum” by regular medication/natural remedies, rest, and letting your body get back to normal in its own time, not yours!
Sadly, I find alcohol can have a detrimental effect, though it still doesn’t stop me from enjoying a G & T (or 2, or 3) Pimms (in the Uk we have a shop called Aldi whose own version, Austin’s, is just as tasty and much cheaper!)
All my 19-year daughter knows of my health is that I’ve been “poorly” for as long as she can remember. There’s not Fibro, but, in the past, gynae issues (laparoscopies/partial hyst) car crashes and carpal tunnel, all of which have pummelled away at my body.
That doesn’t mean it’s won! On the contrary, even though my hubby gets frustrated with me (though it’s the condition that exasperates him more!) when I can’t think of the word/thing I want to say (fibro fog) when I carry on doing something that I shouldn’t (stubbornness/ the need to get things done!) he more than “puts up” with it, he goes shopping alone when I can’t, puts the washing on/hangs it out when I can’t, drives all the way to where our daughter is at uni, because being in one position for such a long time means I can seize up, and drive back the same day. His love for me is unconditional, as is our daughters, and as is God.
Yes, God.
Let’s go back to the mental health issue. I suffered with depression way before Fibro, which aggravates it, after our daughter was born. Any type of mental health problem is, quite frankly, draining, supping you of energy and any good feelings about yourself.
But God has also been a part of my life for quite some time. My parents thought I’d joined some kind of cult, but there’s nothing strange or weird (though some will disagree) about God being the centre of your life. And that’s what He is. Most recently, we’ve had huge worries about earnings. Then a great, dear friend let me cover her work for her, and paid me. I made flowers for a wedding- and got paid. I received a tax rebate!!!
Without God, without His family, without His and their love, care, support, hugs, laughter, joy, and, for me, creativity (I’m an unpublished writer/creative art director, etc.) I would’ve, and have been, so far down in the darkness that nothing could’ve brought me back to life. I have wanted to leave this life behind, wondered about stepping in front of a car/bus/taxi, falling down the stairs.
But I haven’t. Because of God. Because He hold onto me, gives me outlets, renews my life through counselling and prayer. Yes, I do get horribly frustrated with my body, when it stops me from doing things I loved doing. Yes, it irritates me when people think I’m being lazy. Yes, yes and yes again!
My life is different. My life is unique and so am I. Wonderfully, creatively, joyfully, tearfully, utterly unique.
And that keeps me trusting, keeps me going, keeps me living.
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/