The only people who need to be cool with the way you are in relationship are the people you’re in relationship with

Even though sometimes people put me in that box, I’ve never been an advocate for “polyamory.” I didn’t change my name to Polly to try and make a statement about relationships, it’s the name that’s written on my birth certificate. I’ve always been an advocate for authentic relationships. That means delving deep and making creative choices about how you want to live, and rejecting cultural pressure to conform to a particular model. The only people who need to be cool with the way you are in relationship are the people you’re in relationship with (now that’s a tongue twister!)

I’ve heard recently from various sources that people who come to Kinky Salon feel pressure to be polyamorous. Perhaps our little community been around for so long that we have created our own status quo? That tribal urge to belong is so strong, and we all want to feel like we’re part of something, but whether it’s cultural pressure from your parents or cultural pressure from your weirdo poly friends, you have to find the path that right for you. The most radical act of love will always be to experiment and explore, and create relationships based on what you find out works best for you. Fuck labels, fuck the status quo, just follow your heart.

… and if you’ve found something that works for you and you think you’ve got it right and other people are doing it wrong… if you turn your nose up at swingers, or people with rules that make them feel safe, or monogamous people, or couples looking for a girl to play with… if you think your love is more radical or more brave or more worthy of praise, then perhaps you should stop and take another look. We all come from different backgrounds, we have different emotional traumas and strengths, our brains are all swirling with a slightly different cocktail of chemicals. The thing that makes this community radical is its inclusivity. What ties us together isn’t a particular relationship style, it’s our desire to explore and experiment.