Things English needs words for, with suggestions.

  1. The feeling of being horrified and delighted at the same time: “Donald Trump was attacked and seriously injured by kittens. I was completely horrisfixed.”
  2. Something good that happens incidentally out of something bad: “Yeah, the ship sank, no survivors, but the good news is that my ex boyfriend was on it, so no more #neverstopexploring #firstclasslife insta posts anymore, and I couldn’t ask for a better horrendipity.”
  3. Forgetting names of people like old people do, but in a way that holds up the conversation and is usually a name you wouldn’t have known anyway: “My aunts spent the entire Thanksgiving dinner remembricating who the sophomore from college was that roomed with the guy from the white house. We talked about nothing else.”
  4. The feeling of waking up warm in your bed on a cold day knowing you don’t have to do anything: “Gym? Fuck the gym. I’m a little too luxomulent right now to get up for 44 degrees outside.”
  5. The anxiety you get from checking over and over to see if your messages have been read: “Drew, stop checking your phone every five seconds to see if she’ll text. You’re starting to make me peekcious. If she isn’t texting, she probably isn’t into you.”
  6. The sort of person who claims they’re gluten/carb/whatever free, but not really: “Jill is the biggest masturcator I know. She had that waiter running back and forth to check with the kitchen to make sure no gluten was in her food, but earlier she totally ate all of my goddamn pancakes.”
  7. Not caring whether or not your plane crashes because you have so much debt: “Sister, I am so unshuffed at this point that I’m hoping the turbulence brings us down. That’s the only way I’m getting out of debt.”
  8. The kind of person who points out one minor flaw or imperfection in something that you hadn’t noticed before, but can’t ignore after. Usually ruins the thing for you: “Reese is the ultimate mickler; I can’t eat cilantro anymore after he pointed out how it tastes like soap.”
  9. The lovely feeling of sleeping with the sun on your face. Usually in autumn, usually when you should be working: “Getting fired has its virtues. I never new solomnolence was so good, but napping on a Tuesday afternoon in the sun? I could get used to this.”
  10. The sort of person who is nice to service staff/waiters yet still tips miserably: “These bitches sat at the bar all afternoon, had a good time, I took good care of them, they loved me. Left me six dollars on a ninety dollar check. Bunch of mizzards.”
  11. The sort of person who is cold to service staff/waiters yet still tips well: “Yeah, he was kind of rude to the waiter, just sat down and interrupted her to order. But he left her sixteen on fifty! Such a schizzerd.”
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