Celebrities are not role models.

Sports, movies, musicians. How is that a role model qualification?

Definition of a role model.

A role model is classically thought of as, someone to aspire to be like or “model”. Society is, as a whole, lazy as to who we adorn the crown of “role model”

Most people assume

“They are excellent at that one thing, therefore they must be equally awesome at all things”

For example, hitting a ball into a hole with a stick from a long way away (golf), or being able to throw a ball into a hoop from a close distance, while others try to stop you without touching you (basketball).

It is, so often falsely assumed, that the discipline it took to get so good at that one thing, must mean they apply this same discipline to all areas of their life.

When did society as a whole become so ignorant? It’s like we believe a perfect person exists, and these perfect people must be celebrities.

It’s not the celebrities fault people are so dumb. They never signed up to be a role model. Most celebrities accept that they now answer to the social grand jury of public opinion. Only because they too are conditioned to think celebrities owe the world something.

All celebrities grew up idolizing celebrities of the time, they likely blindly took many as role models. However, this bubble can be burst. As the saying goes, “never meet your idols”. The disappointment in meeting your idol or role models is usually the realization they are human and fallible.

Maybe it would be better if everyone got to meet their idols.

BUT let’s not forget, there were/are some celebrities that live/d their life unapologetically as NON-ROLE MODEL! They set the bar from the start, low! (Think, Dennis Rodman)

Hard work + talent + X = celebrity?

I get where people are coming from when looking up to celebrities. It’s an easy mistake. You assume they got to where they got because of hard work and determination. Sometimes this is true, hard work can play a role, but its not the only part of the success equation.

I’ve witnessed hard work pay off but also seen it fail.

I’ve seen natural born talent cruise to the top of their chosen sport with no more effort than the next guy, but an effort nonetheless.

I’ve also seen guys with average talent work their way to somewhere near the top, but never to the very top and never for long. To get to the top and stay for any meaningful amount of time you need more than hard work.

There are only so many hours in the day and especially with sports, there is only so much training you can do. At the top level of sports, they all work as hard as another. The difference between a top player and an outright celebrity is a mixture of timing, marketability, and talent.

There is such a thing as natural talent and it can get you a long way. It is probably the most important factor, but it doesn't guarantee you anything these days.

No matter how hard a 4ft 5in basketball player with scoliosis and asthma works, they are only going to get so far, and it's not to the NBA.

“Talent alone won’t get you to the top but your not getting to the top without it.”

There are rare exceptions to this equation, and its zero talent but perfect timing and extreme marketability. (Think, cash me outside girl)

Back to role models, and why celebrities are the inverse of role models.

Even when hard work and determination was the main reason for someone's success, success in what?

Success in one very specific part of their life, success in sport, movies, music or writing does not mean a happy and fulling life.

There are many aspects to having a meaningful life, often focusing too much on one aspect has devasting effects on the others. Is this what it takes to be a good role model? A one track mind, storming up the mountain not giving a fuck what you sacrifice along the way. Determination like this is equal parts admirable and sad.

Being super successful at one thing is probably a good sign the rest of your life is a bit of a mess. Rather than a sign you have clocked the game of life!

By no means do I want to take anything away from extraordinary achievements. However, we must give credit and praise where it’s due. By not automatically assuming a star is living a life worth role modeling. They may well be doing so, but how could we know? We see them on the TV or movie screen, perhaps live at a sporting match. How does that give you any insight into their life? What business is it of yours, anyway.

There are probably 1000s of “almost celebrities” that you never heard of, or heard of very briefly. They saw the writing on the wall and got out before their lives got consumed and ruined their family life. They are living in the country somewhere with a modest home, 2 dogs, a chicken coop and are unbelievably happy. You never heard of them, and they are glad you haven't.

Let people be role models for what they are good at. Nothing more.

Take Tiger Woods for example. An amazing golfer, maybe the best ever. Young golfers looking up to him as a shining example of the pinnacle of their sport. Parents of young golfers, holding up Tiger as a role model for their youngsters to aspire to.

Then Tiger made some personal decisions, that are not so ethically sound. BUT also not illegal and unfortunately not all that uncommon.

He was still the best golfer in the world during all those years of infidelity. His performance only dropping during the time his dirty laundry was being made public. A result of the stress of being caught I suppose.

When he was hiding the truth from his family and he was at his most deceitful, he was arguably playing his best ever golf.

More evidence it takes zero morals or ethics to be good at one very specific thing. Tiger was at his best during his worst personal behavior. Is that not proof enough that sporting skill and life skills are not so as interconnected as we thought?

It’s your fault for being upset at Tiger, not his.

Tiger Woods is not a relationship expert, he never got paid to give relationship advice. Why should people be upset at him, when he fucks up his relationship and family life?

I mean, sure, his wife and family have every right to be upset, but why were you so upset?

How does it affect you? You never did something dishonest? All your relationships were perfect?

Can you not see a little (or maybe a lot) of yourself in Tiger? Be honest with yourself.

It blogged my mind that there was so much hate and judgment for Tiger Woods, not being a good “role model”. His golfing career gave him zero skills in relationships. I’m sure if you asked his ex-wife, golfing took a lot away from the relationship. You can't win a PGA golf tournament without extraordinary amounts of time invested. Can’t the same be said for relationships, time is a key investment for success?

It would take a near-perfect relationship to survive that amount of celebrity.

Society is so quick to anoint people with role model status. Usually, that person has no desire to even be a role model. They just want to do what they are good at. Society is also so quick to take the unwanted role model title away, at the first sign of any questionable (usually) private behavior.

Why do we expect celebrities to be role models, especially for children?

Often parents will unconsciously (sometimes not so unconsciously) pressure their children to look up to celebrities. I give them the benefit of the doubt, they likely don't realize the disservice they are doing to their kids. I would suggest a good rule of thumb would be, don’t have a role model that you don't know personally, and defiantly don't encourage your kids too.

Do you want a role model for your kids? Take a look in the mirror!

If you push role model status onto “celebrities” and get upset at the first sign that they made a human mistake, you are lazy!

You're a lazy parent, outsourcing the job of “role model” to a stranger that you don’t know.

I’m not saying you're a bad person or even that you're doing it on purpose. You’ve been conditioned to do it.

But….fucking quit it! You’re better than that.

You are your kid's role model!

You take that job first, that's kinda the definition of being a parent!

If you do outsource part or all of that job, you make sure you know who you are giving the honor of such a position to.

Additionally, there is no rule that you (or any other person) must bear the cross of the one and only role model. That task is too great for any person, none of us are perfect.

Delegate smaller role model positions.

Uncle Joe might be a fantastic craftsman, making beautiful handmade furniture, but also be a terrible drunk. He's not perfect, but you can show your child the patience, skill, and craftsmanship he has for his work. This can be something to role model. However, you can also point out uncle Joe has his flaws (we all do) and that his drinking is something to learn from and not something to role model.

Our weakness and flaws can be equally good lessons, as our strengths are.

Take the best bits.

The best thing to teach children in my humble opinion is to “take the best bits”.

Teach kids to observe their world and observe traits, morals, ethics, and characteristics that they would like to model.

Not people, never “role model” an entire person. No matter how great they are no human is without fault.

Take all the best bits and aspire to make a mashup of all those great things. However, at the same time, children need to know it’s ok to fail and they too won't be perfect.

Learning that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes, gives them permission to make mistakes, which is crucial to learning. Perhaps the worst thing we can do as aspiring “good” people is morn our mistakes too long.

Making mistakes is not the problem, but letting that mistake consume you is.

In summary.

No one person should be anyone's role model. We all need multiple role models and should take the “best bits” of character traits to try and emulate.

Sports stars, actors, musicians, celebrities, whoever... They didn't sign up to be your kid's role model. They don't even know your kid.

You are your kids first and hopefully most reliable role model. If you're not up to the challenge then look around your family and encourage your children to find traits in family members that are worthy of role model status.

Let's let celebrities be good at what made them famous. They aren't qualified for anything else.

However they might be, but how would you know?

You don't!