I trained to be a yoga teacher and discovered my own power

Over the past eight weeks, in the middle of a global pandemic, I became a yoga teacher.

This is perhaps the definition of privilege. Around the world, people were losing their jobs, fighting for their lives and facing economic insecurity; meanwhile I pedaled my legs out in downward facing dog.

About two thirds of the way into the program, George Floyd was killed at the hands of Minneapolis police officers, sparking a national movement for racial justice. Like others, I was stung by the video of Floyd’s final minutes. It felt odd to spend 30 hours of my weekend on Zoom for a (virtual) yoga teacher training amidst the madness happening out in the world.

I was not the only one with this discomfort. At one point, a young woman in the program broke down in tears after an intense 90 minute yoga practice. She expressed her discomfort at being here, working on herself, when so much was happening out there that deserved her time and attention.

The rest of us, 25 other future yoga instructors along with the leaders of the program, nodded in understand. We too felt that guilt. What were we doing? Weren’t there bigger things to do?

Tears — or rather, eye sweats as we called them — were a normal part of our program, which included significant time on self-inquiry and reflection. So as that student and stumbled her words out, we listened. I discovered through self-inquiry work that it’s often through other people’s self-inquiry that something is unlocked in myself.

That’s what happened to me when this student was talking. She articulated a realization that I can’t stop thinking about. Through tears and sniffles, she got to this resolution: “I know I have to be here right now. I know I have to do this work to be able to do that work.”

And that right there is the crux of what the program taught me. To go out into the world and make the change and impact we want to make, we first must take the time to meet ourselves where we are. We all have the innate power and wisdom to do big things in this life. And yet, there are so many reasons we never get to do those things. We are hindered by our doubts and fears; we falsely believe our past failures and traumas say something about our future; we plug into other people to try to cure a void only we can fill.

Those big things we want to achieve — they are not all the same. Not everyone wants to be the mayor in order to bring change to their small town. Not everyone wants a marriage and children. Not everyone wants to build a successful yoga studio. Our visions and goals make us unique, yet the internal obstacles in our paths are, at their core, the same.

Clearing those obstacles is not easy work. Every day I wake up, and there’s a new obstacle. A new disempowering thought. A new situation that I don’t think I know how to handle. And every day, it’s an exercise of pulling myself back up, showing myself some compassion, and choosing — over and over again — how I want to show up for myself.

This is not easy work. And I’m convinced that the difference we make will be magnified times a million when we’re doing that work.

I’m grateful to have received the gift of yoga during this unprecedented time in our history. I know it’s a privilege to take time to learn about oneself, and I hope I can carry what I learned over to others through my words and yoga teaching.