Thanks for sharing your founder story with me Mayur!

The opening is good. I’d make it more about yourself? e.g. Do you have kids or have you mentored kids and seen this behavior? It will showcase that you have first-hand experience rather than a second-hand experience.

In the second paragraph, it would be good to highlight exactly what the problem is e.g. kids spend more time playing video games than studying which impacts their grades, there is a X% dropout rate in high schools/colleges, etc. The way you’ve currently written it, one has to infer the problem. Better to spell it out clearly, and show the impact.

The ending is great especially with 35,000 students using it. Can you add one compelling win e.g. students see a dramatic improvement in their test scores, grades, etc.?

Feel free to revise and then resubmit it for me to review :)