The third week of Support Driven Writing Challenge is here and the topic is Thinking Space.
I never thought about thinking until I was eighteen. I am an impulsive person and always been that way and thinking deeply, analyzing, looking into statistics and planning do not come to me easily. They haven’t before that is.
I started thinking when I went through huge personal changes: I dropped out of the university, moved to a different country, moved in for the first time in my life. It was all exciting and also very very scary — my path was now my own and it was mine alone. I was waking up every day at 6am crippled with anxiety and thinking “What am I gonna do next? How am I gonna live my life? What does the future hold for me?”.
It took me a long time to calm down and settle down and learn to be okay with not knowing what will happen next, but the bed early in the morning or late at night is the only place where you are truly stripped off of all distractions and can think clearly.
Ever since my bed became the place where I calm down, I relax, I analyze the day that I had and plan for the day ahead. Having my cat by my side helps a lot too, of course, but mostly it’s the comfort of being safe, being warm, being relaxed — that is how I can re-wire from the day filled with being quick, reacting in seconds, talking to millions of people every day to being calm, collected and getting ready for the battles ahead (I am very dramatic, yes, I know).
I also always wanted to live near the big water. Moving to Kiev helped a ton, because here I can get to see The Dnipro River in 15 minutes. It is huge (one of the biggest rivers in Europe), it is powerful and I am very much in love with it. I saw Dnipro first when I was entering Kiev on the intercity train for the first time. I was about to see the person who then became my partner, scared and excited and seeing the bridges over Dnipro illuminated with hundreds of tiny lights imprinted that feeling of being full of emotion and also knowing what you want for 100% in my brain forever.
Even though I do not come look at water and think, the picture of illuminated bridge over Dnipro can get me from 100 to 0 pretty quickly (just to make sure we’re on the same page, 100 is being 100 percent OVER everything and 0 is being super chill). It is my happy place, the place that inspires and invigorates me and the place that helps me recharge and think.
I am still not much of a thinker, and lots of my decisions come from a place of emotion and instinct but, to be honest, I’m fine with it. Just like an imprint of the pillow of your face in the morning or the tears from seeing something or someone you love too much — it’s what makes you the real you, and that’s the type of thinking I love.