As a therapist and mentor helping men grow their relationship muscles, I’ve come to see a pattern.
The #1 complaint from female partners (who often reach out for help first) is the same as what most men wish for when they see me privately:
“to become more present”
This longing to be “here and f*cking now” as one of my clients Frank is fond of saying, comes with a second and even more heartfelt wish:
“to feel more authentically connected”
These are not just words.
Both the yearning and the pain of it’s absence are real.
And the insight makes sense — mapping onto the 5 regrets of the dying (read more…
When it comes to ADHD
It ain’t no VD
But let’s not fool or bluff
It’s indeed a double edged sword, no guff
There are gifts within the debris of this great hurricane
Supers Powers potent and buried, not to be feigned.
Some folks say “treat the person not the symptom.”
Look beyond the problem, seek a greater purpose… I call that wisdom.
The ancient stoics would say, don’t ignore the math
The obstacle is the path
Instead of 2D diagnoses which flatten our complex reality
What if we embrace the difficult and stunted parts of our humanity
Our very wild and wonderful…
There were times after a tense disagreement or beguiling misunderstanding with my wife, where I would wake up in the middle of the night, anxious and sweaty, staring at the back of her wild mane of hair, pondering…
If only she would be more…
I used to have the same relationship to my wife as I did to nature.
I was in awe of her natural power and wild beauty.
I loved being around her when she made me feel good.
But I was a cranky and controlling mess when she did not.
I have the seasonal allergies (to many natural stimuli) which mirror this in my marriage. …
Now, if you are already doing everything you can to limit the risks, prepare for the future and increase the health and safety of yourself (as well as your loved ones and society) externally, there is one elephant left in the room…
What can I do about my ANXIETY?
As more and more of us are isolated and locked down in our homes, anxiety (the anticipation of a dreadful future) and it’s bedfellows worry (ongoing hum of anxious thoughts) and fear (a valid response to the present threat) are forces begging to be reckoned with ~ as soon as possible. …
Years ago, I was a young buck out of therapy school, eager to cut his teeth on tough cases and prove something.
You can see where this is going, but there are a few twists in the story I never expected…
This article is a confession to all the parents I ever worked with and a dare to fellow helping professionals who work with families.
If you are a parent reading this, I imagine you’ve looked far and wide for the silver bullet to help your family. You’ve also likely invested the countless hours of reading and perhaps hundreds — if not thousands of dollars — with some kind of specialist or expert, in search of the holy grail: the “right” approach for your family. …
I look at social media having promised to be the space we host our groups and friendships, like some digital community center.
But in these online spaces, the walls have eyes to spy on us and the air we breathe itself though “free” comes at a cost.
I behold the many ways we are being taught and encouraged to “build your brand”, “sell your image” and “leverage” relationships to make a living.
And I have many times fallen, for all of it.
Yet, frankly, I feel sick inside.
When I see my relationships this way… My gut feels queesy with greediness and needy. My heart feels hollowed out. My mind desperate to figure out how to get more followers and make them click here or there. …
This is a showdown between…
But, I won’t pretend to be impartial. I am an unabashed movement lover.
If you disagree and are a fan of exercise, don’t sulk or turn away. I dare you to comment and tell me why at the bottom.
If you think this comparison is unnecessary, I might agree.
If you get the value of both, power to you.
Here’s the rub for me.
It’s totally personal.
One, I hate exercise.
Two, I hate what it does to the vast majority of friends and family, being told they need to do it for their health and wellbeing. …
…to what they’re supposed to be doing…
to me… to their teacher…whoever matters?
This is THE #1 question I get all of the time, from busy parents and caring adults tasked with herding and engaging kids and teens.
It’s also a question I struggled to answer myself for the first 10 of my 25 years working with kids and families.
It’s understandable that as parents, we routinely exclaim — out loud or in our heads —
“He’s just not focused!
“I can’t get their attention long enough…”
“Why don’t they show more respect?!”
It’s understandable because quality attention is the most precious currency we have to give. …
The first part will take some misguided blame off your shoulders.
But, the second part will surprise you.
It may also make you feel silly and perhaps a tad guilty about some of the things you may be doing as a parent/caregiver.
But, don’t lose heart.
Part 2 of this series will give you precise instructions on how to earn your child’s full and whole-hearted attention, more quickly and with greater ease — based on common sense, irrefutable science and 25 years of experience working with kids.
So, now, if you are struggling to get your child to turn away from their device and actually look you in the eye, you are not alone. …
Brief instructions from the wiser warrior within guarding my time…
There is nothing more precious to me than time.
But, I find most productivity and time management systems boring.
I need to make this process more fun and meaningful.
Here’s my best attempt so far…
I am playing a game in real time, all of the time.
My most important job is being a fierce Samurai, who is the full time guardian of my time.
Want to take a stab at being a Time Samurai also?
Follow me as I walk you through what I do.
Your first task is to be aware…