One common characteristic among most submissives is that they crave guidance and direction especially in the bedroom. Until reading this you would probably believe that you were communicating sufficiently to your submissive. Most vanilla men actually say very little during sex if anything at all and are probably only used to making statements regarding their wife’s attributes.
“You are so beautiful.” “You have a sexy body.” “You are so wet.”
Although I encourage complementing your submissive and her attributes this post is not about and has nothing to do with your submissive’s virtues. Complimenting her attributes is a crucial element in any sexual relationship and the three examples that I gave above certainly wont suffice in a D/s relationship, step it up… way up!
Submissive woman want to be given direction on what to do during sex. They want guidance on how to please you as well as what your expectations are of them. More specific I am going to discuss the simple art of directing your submissive’s body in general during sex, a scene or vanilla with a twist.
“Look into my eyes!” “Put your arms above your head!” “Spread your legs for me!”
During the vanilla days LK would do as she pleased with herself with little guidance from me during sex. If she wanted to place her hands on my back, run her fingers through my hair, or change positions she would simply do it without soliciting me. One of the first things that changed for me during my journey was my mindset towards her actions during sex. This was not a willful or deliberate change but rather a natural sentiment. I no longer wanted her to take any control in the bedroom. She had surrendered to me sexually 100%. I wanted total Dominance and now I expected it!
“Spread your legs and keep your knees apart!” “Hold still, do not move!” “Hold on to the headboard and whatever you do, do not let go!”
Little Kaninchen felt the same as I did, she desired for me to be in control, especially in the bedroom. This behavior change was on both of our parts and was an instinctual reaction to our new roles. Both of our desires had changed.
Little Kaninchen discontinued any initiative during sex and I wanted her to do only what I instructed of her.
A common issue that arises for new D/s couples is that the submissive no longer has the desire or the liberty to do as she pleases during sex and the Dominant fails to present any input regarding the submissive’s basic posture. Whether your submissive is doing exactly as you desire or you want her to do or change something you need to clearly communicate that to her. Begin with her limbs, what is she doing with them? If she is holding onto something already, like the headboard, tell her not to let go of it until instructed to do so. Give her commands that express what you would like her to do. The essential component to directing your submissive is that even if, as the Dominant, you don’t have a specific action that you would like from your submissive you need to provide her with direction. In the past your submissive would not have required this direction during play. Do not underestimate her need for direction now.
Directing Your Submissive!
This simple task may prove more difficult than it appears. After you have mastered the concept of directing your submissive try incorporating other elements into your directions. Include additional elements besides just her limbs. Direct her eyes, her head, her mouth, her sex, her entire body. Another goal to work toward when directing your submissive would be to integrate more than one direction into one single command. Try to limit this to no more than three direction for each command.
“Kneel on the floor, with your arms crossed behind your back and your chin down!”
Measure your growth! Be sure to properly utilize “Downtime” in order to gather input regarding your progress. Be sure that you are soliciting the “needs improvement” as well as the kudos from your submissive. No two relationships are going to be exactly the same. I have provided you with some wonderful information regarding an often overlooked aspect of a D/s relationship but you, the husDom, will need to fine tune this information to fit your personal dynamic.