I really, honestly, truly thought that this would be the easiest one to write.
Well, in writing this I faced the kind of resistance that I’ve faced only in seeking therapy in the past. I took my time. I literally spread myself over three giant chart papers and made a friend draw my outline. I taped these to the walls of my room till one day inspiration struck my creative soul and I started painting. I spent three days painting and stuck these on my wall and then left it there for two weeks.
For a person focused on pleasure and well-being, my body was reminding me of things that were unpleasant and I could not understand where this narrative was taking me. My face was reminding me of pimples, my breasts held memories of being groped, my tummy reminded me of how much I wanted it to shrink, and my hair told me that it once had lice which drove classmates away. Instead of finding joys, self-appreciation, body-positivity, and an inner goddess that admired my sexiness, I was flooded with things that hurt.
And today, after days of running away, I am choosing to own these reminders. So here, this is my body and these are the stories it wants to tell. Some hurt, some make me laugh — like literally, every time I see the lines on my hand I cannot stop myself from singing a particular paragraph of the song ‘aajkal paon zameen par’!
This is my story and it has led me to who I am today. Hardworking and wonderful, critical and hopeful, broken and open.
Maybe it is time that you too ask your body what it has to say.