Katherine Cox
Jul 24, 2017 · 1 min read

I agree — there are so many different definitions of relationships in the world. If you had asked Helen if she was in a consensual relationship, she would have said she was. It took a long time for her to recognize it as abusive, based on her abusive past. While I also agree that people’s relationships are their own business, no relationship happens in a vacuum, and they can affect other people to a great extent. I was always supportive of my friend in her relationship, and listened to her when she wanted to complain about it. She left him and went back to him several times, and eventually, I had to tell her that as much as I loved her, I could not continue to counsel her about trying to work out a relationship where she was accepting abuse that she didn’t want. You can’t tell people what they want, especially as adults. Nevertheless, as I think you point out, recognizing unhealthy relationships is part of growing into adulthood for many people. I think that one of my major points, which may not have come across clearly, is that as a society, we tend to villainize “non traditional” relationships. Polyamory and D/s relationships are often portrayed as abusive by the world at large, and so it is easy for abusers to hide behind the terminology.

    Katherine Cox

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    Writer and marketing professional in ATX

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