The question is, how far down the rabbit hole are you willing to go?
Me: Existential crisis.
Him: Existential crisis. It wasn’t your kind of problem, yeah?
Me: It has always been my kind of problem. Trying to make sense of things.
Him: What makes you happy?
Me: To be frank, I don’t know.
Him: I think the problem is with the concept of happiness. Lol. Why do we need to try and find happiness? Happiness is overrated. It’s like the colour black. Happiness is absence of pain. Only pain is real. Lol. Sorry for seemingly depressing words.
Me: Saying lol is basically your equivalent of “the shit’s getting too deep”. Its not just seeking happiness. living seems overhyped.
Him: Neah. at times lol is used to dilute words. When we know we are going to stay stuff the other person might not want to listen.
Me:Just so you know, I am not suicidal.
Him: I am sure of that.
Me: Yeah, I guess!
Him: Guess what? The suicidal thing?
Me: Haha. I dont know, saying I guess is my way of diluting things.
Him: And you are correct. Living is overhyped. Lol. For anyone who is not delusional by the common aspirations of relationships, family and career. Living is overhyped and overrated. I personally think there is no purpose to be alive.
Me: So how do you survive? what keeps you going then.
Him: On practical simple note. The crux of the problem is that we know that life has no meaningful purpose and it is just a silly painful journey despite knowing that it is meaningless. So the only way out is to keep on inventing purposes. To accept that maybe we are just orphan garbage nodes in a vast computer game.
Me: How do others find happiness in small things and I can’t.
Him: Because they don’t know the truth. They don’t know that it is all meaningless.
Me: Truth is subjective.
Him: People who understand this world can never be happy.
Me: How do you know what you consider truth is the ultimate truth.
Him: Lol. You are missing the point. The truth here is actually ultimate and definitive. Oh yeah. And it is, exactly as you said. That truth is subjective, always. That’s the nature of this perception based world. So the only absolute truth, if any, is that we can never know what is the absolute truth, if any. Paradox, yeah!
As for you, you know that nothing is real or a real purpose. You can see beyond any imagined “true purpose of life”. This causes you pain. Others accept their or society’s version of truth as real truth and purpose. You, unfortunately are smarter. Have you seen the movie Matrix?
Me: I don't remember much.
Him: The choice is simple: Red pill or the blue pill.
Red pill: Accept the current world as real world and societal goals as real goals and convince yourself that This is life. Average Joe or Bill Gates, live as part of the society by existing benchmarks and enjoy the perks. You’ll be happy always.
Blue one: Accept the world is an illusion and the life which we are made to believe it is, it is nothing more than an illusion and dream. No purpose. Not sure if there is a way out. But this is not real. Don’t fool yourself into being delusionaly happy. So know the truth that it is all meaningless and be in pain always because you are stuck!
Him: You are a sucker for pain, lol. And you talk about happiness. Duffer!
Me: I wish it was a conscious choice. I guess now I understand why some people prefer to chronically stay sedated/high.
Him: Exactly. Just so that this doesn’t worry them constantly. Why else do I love beer! But from my experience, being high just deepens the crisis deep into our souls.
Me: yeah but for now I am looking for anything. temporary relief would do.
Him: Practically, People like you need some passion to live. Something that gives them that purpose of life. Invent something.
Me: Shall I invent a lie.
Him: There is no way out baby!
Me: Ahh, I wanted you to give me a false ray of hope. Something to hold on to.
Him: lol. You know me. I am the uncomfortable truth! Sorry! yeah, or the ugly truth as I would say.
— — — — — — — — — — To be continued — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Note: This is a real life conversation. For the sake of readability, few words have been rearranged