Ramblings of a shitty writer

I am an shitty writer. Hell!! I don’t even know if i can call myself a writer. But like every wannabe writer, i struggle to put my ideas onto a piece of paper. I don’t know if i can write everyday, HELL!!! I don’t even know if i can write. All i know is there are days when i end up writing whatever comes to my mind (even it is worth shit), and enjoy it immensely. After all these, I still call myself a writer. I am a romantic after all.

There is a term in Japanese called “Otokono Roman” which is kinda famous among the “Otaku” circles. And I am a True believer of this line of thought.
For the Illiterate, Otoko means Man, and Roman is short for Romance. I know, It doesn’t make any sense to a “mere mortals” like you. Example: If you give a Harley Davidson to a guy he would ride it…
Harley Davidson is “Otokono Roman”. The whole concept is romanticising something which every guy dreams of. From Riding a Harley or driving a Ferrari or even getting into sword fight or Flying across the galaxy in order to save the universe from computer virus invented by hitler.
That is otokono romancu.

I am a romantic who is in love with the concept of being a writer. CORRECTION!! I am a romantic who is in love with the idea of falling in love with love. who doesn’t?. And for me, Love is when you feel the solitude or the exhilarating feeling I get only while travelling or these once in a while writing sessions. Who doesn't find a writer sexy?. A failed writer is way better. you know what is better?. a writer who is scared of the internet in this world where people even tweet the color of the shit they had. And yes, I am one of those rare breeds. I writes only when I am overwhelmed by the universe who constantly conspires against me. I am fuckin scared to put my works for people to read. not because i’m afraid someone will steal it or someone will think it sucks balls. But I am afraid of baring my soul to the world and what if it becomes just another shout into the void.

But I like the idea of having a very niche crowd who has read my works (sounds professional doesn't it?. didn't want to say ramblings since it doesn’t sound “professional ”). But thats the beauty of calling yourself a writer, even though its something you tell yourself to feel better. That there is always a chance that hundred years from now someone will think that it is the best piece of work ever written. And not to brag, my works will go on to win awards posthumously 100 years in the future.

For the last 2 weeks i’ve been thinking what to write on my blog, half hour back I had the same doubt as i opened my laptop thinking I should write now. what will i write?
I don’t know
all I knew was I had to write something. Here I am half hour later and about 150 words in thinking

“WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?”

All I know is that I love the time I start writing stuff, Half the time I have no idea what my next sentence is going to be, and there is nothing as exciting. Last time I wrote my blog post, I sent it to couple of friends and the next day I got a message from a very close friend of mine

“nicely written, although i can spot a couple of grammatical errors”

I warned you, I am a shitty writer.

and a cynic. but there i was reading that message and thinking “Isn’t that the whole point?”

For me telling a story is most important part. I believe everyone has a story, they just don’t know which one to tell. So I solemnly swear that I shall always put my feelings first and grammar next and just hope that you’ll always be there to point them out. (Life is boring without all the small fights)

Stories

I love stories. There is a certain charm in the stories, and it doesn’t have to be as exciting as Bourne movie, It can be as subtle as amelie. some are meant to be hidden, some are not.
Sometimes the best stories in your life are made up of people you least expect it from. Very close “Strangers” to never met before “Lovers” to the asshole who insulted me even though we met for the first time “best friends”.
and I love my story. One thing I learnt few years back was that “never let someone else write your story for you, because they will focus on their character that the story itself.”. And there is nothing better than realizing that you are the protagonist in your own story. I can do whatever the fuck I want to.

“I am the Chosen one”

And I want to tell my stories (even if it has spelling mitsakes and grammatical errors.). And if you are willing to share, I am more than happy to listen to your story. Because it is my belief that

“There is no such thing as a bad story, Only bad storytellers”

So from now onwards, If someone asks me what I do?
I won’t tell them I am a writer,(as I said, I AM A SHITTY WRITER)
I will tell them I am a storyteller. Because its sexier…

Till then,
Truly Madly Deeply