Anything about Feeling takes Time
“I hate myself” is what I always say to myself when my life is going to get mass. And many times, I made the situation getting worse myself even though I think what I have done is the right thing to do.
“Everything is going to be alright” that is what I try to cheer myself up while my surrounding is quite frustrating and can be broken anytime. I did anything to get the best result out of it; what I got in return is not anything I wanted.
I was sunk in my emotion pool of feeling guilty without an oxygen tank or any equipment which could drag me out of it when it comes to a subject of feeling or emotion. I had no idea what I should do to move forward.
I asked a considerable number of people for the answers to my life issue. Everything I got was not what I needed even from my parents. I gave an effort to find the answer myself, it’s still not enough. That’s what I think.
When I under the pressure is nothing else than a piece of trash waiting to be thrown away, I know that I cannot stand the circumstance for long. I always sit at the corner and cry when there is this kind of situation.
I told the story and my problem to my psychologist. The person who listens to me and let me choose my paths was sitting beside me while the others were waiting outside.
“Anything about feeling is taking time,” She said calmly. I tried to make understand it out while I was crying.
“But…” I tried to make my standing. “Any relationship takes time” she continued. That made me stunt and being in silence.
“Take time, take time, you still have time to reconsider yourself,” she said with care. I still had no clue what should I do after that.
This has been almost 1 month after our last meeting. I think what she meant could be that I might be too rush about the relationship. Recently, I quite agree with what did she say. I just found that the person I had a relationship with is very irrational and irresponsible. I accepted that I was too emotional when coming to the relationship rather than being rational.
Today, I had a conversation with a senior. He told me, “Having this type of relationship will not take long and could be very unhealthy for your mental health” which I quite agree with his words from the result of our action after the issue ended.
“What should I do?” I asked with curiosity.
“Keep walking forward”, he recommended. “Travel, be happy with what you do”
I have tried to reconsider and stop being silly. I think this is the time to grow up and move forward from the past. There is no reason to stick with the past and crying with those nightmares. I cheered myself up and finding new friends who can be trusted and could stay beside me.
