The words I don’t like saying

“Help keep South Australia fruit fly free”.

That’s the phrase I heard a radio announcer reeling off this morning.

Without an error.

It’s a tricky phrase, right? That announcer deserves some applause for not tripping over it or calling in sick that day.

It reminded me of words I don’t like saying. They are as follows:

· Volvo

· Vulva (sensing a theme here)

· Rural

· Floral, or flowery (yes, definitely a theme)

· Anemone (like, I say that every day)

Hence I have deliberately not purchased a Volvo and I don’t talk to strangers about my vulva.

If you suffer from the same serious affliction, here are some words you can use instead:

· Volvo: boxy car

· Vulva: down there

· Rural: country

· Floral, or flowery: pretty petal things

· Anemone: ouchie rock

Let me put that into an easy-to-recall sentence for you:

“I drove my boxy car to the country to look at pretty petal things but the trip was so long, my ‘down there’ felt like I’d sat on an ouchie rock.”

It’s cute when children mispronounce words. My children used to say pusghetti instead of spaghetti, which can spoil the appetite. But as adults, it can be humiliating. Former Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard mispronounced hyperbole and of course everyone was very mature about it and tried not to mention it.

Note for my vast international audience: read here to discover what ‘fruit fly free’ is all about.