Surgery doesn’t mean we make big life decisions but that we ponder on what ARE the big questions we are faced with
And that absolves me of the need to change everything in my life, and control every variable.
But this whole process made me sharply bring focus to the most important aspects of my life, some of which were a bit scattered for a bit.
Who I surround myself with? Who’s my source of strength? And who has been leeching the life source out of me? And why do I care so much about the “indifferent ones”?
What I eat ? What do i nourish myself with? Is that working for me?
How do i FEEL? Really, are my emotions transient? Does a sudden bout of despair ease up after a while? Does that tightening of the chest relax a bit? What triggers me? What are my emotional hot buttons? How best am I staying away from them? Or if faced with them, am I able to handle them with graciousness and compassion for myself?
In some ways, I’ve found answers to all three of the above questions. And in some sense, its still evolving. The picture is not fully clear yet, and parts of it will never be. And that its A-OKAY to have that uncertainty. Something beautiful or positive will come out of it. Opening the door to transformation has been the most important step after acceptance.
More to follow later…