Arranged Marriages

Looking for a fair, slim, educated, good looking, homely girl.

Does reading the above words sound familiar? This is a typical requirement given by prospective grooms family, when then start bride hunting for their son.
Most of the matrimony sections of newspapers and magazines are full of these advertisements. In a country of 1.230 billion population, most of which is young, you find people looking for a partner to get married every where.
The number of matrimony sites offering to help you find a perfect soulmate are many, in fact they have multiplied over the last few years. All the matrimony sites have branched out as per caste, religion, language, first marriage, second marriage and so on. Specially in a country like India where there is diversity in the language we speak, food we eat, customs people follow, people prefer to marry someone who is in some or the other way similar to them.
Most of the people today, approach the prospective grooms /brides and their families reading their profile from the internet, or through the matrimonial sections in magazines and newspapers. Many times the information given can be half truth or may be totally fake. I know a girl, who got married to a boy, who had introduced himself as an officer from the Air Force and was actually a Sergeant. Long back I had heard of a case wherein a boy posing as a doctor working in the United Kingdom was actually working there as a nursing assistant. The young bride and her family got to know the truth much later.
There are numerous such cases where in false information is given to the family and the marriage takes place.
Many times what’s seen is the families get introduced, through some common friends, here most of the things are known to both the families, but it’s only after the boy and girl meet each other several times, they would know whether they are comfortable with each other and whether they should get married.
With change in society and advancement in education we do see many love marriages, but still there are many marriages which are arranged. It’s called or referred as arranged, as the parents, or relatives, or friends of the prospective bride and groom plan and arrange a meeting where the families would be discussing their ideas on getting their children married.
Indian society as such is not very open and liberal to the idea of boys and girls choosing their own life partners. If you go in rural India and talk to people there, you will know how conservative they are. They may have loads of money, have educated their children in the best universities but when it comes to getting their children married, they have lots of requirements. The prospective groom and bride are asked about their choice, but the family’s requirements are considered first. The family’s priority and requirements are of utmost importance. More importance is given to the caste, religion, status of the person. Only after the family finds the girl/boy suitable, the prospective bride/groom are allowed to meet.
I know many girls and boys who have married to please their parents. Their spouses are not as per their choice, I mean, imagine a boy, who had an exposure to the best schools here and had an opportunity to study overseas, if he has to marry a girl who cannot speak well and is not able to interact with him and discuss on topics of his interest, how would he feel? Or a girl who had plans to marry someone from a profession which her parents do not approve of, and finally marries someone her parents have chosen for her. How would she feel? though most of them adjust and reconcile to the fact that they are married and try to find happiness in their marriages, Most of them are happy, at least they say so.
In India marriage is a relationship not only between two individuals who get married, but also their families. That’s the reason many people in India get married to people who they feel can gel with their family, and many times they are ready to compromise on certain aspects of the person they marry.
The whole family is involved right from the planning to the execution of the ceremonies in these type of marriages.
Traditionally in India, marriages were mostly arranged by the elders in the family, this must be because, at that time people used to get married very early. I was told that my grandparents married when my grandfather was 11 and grandmother was 9. At that age they themselves were not aware about marriage as such. Obviously the elders used to plan and execute the marriage.
Today, it’s against law to get married so early, both boys and girls get married as adults and are matured enough to choose and decide as to whom they want to marry. If you see in urban educated society, many families are open to their children having love marriages but that too with some ifs, I mean, if their child chooses somebody from a different religion then they are not happy giving their consent to that marriage.
One will see many such families who have broken all ties with their children as the child has married against their wishes.
Arranged marriages are of various types, some of these marriages are done for business reasons, parents are business partners and it makes perfect sense to have your partner’s daughter as your daughter in law or vice- versa.
Some people get into an arranged marriage knowing the financial status of the boy, this helps many women to better their life style.
Some arranged marriages are for pleasing parents as they themselves are not able to find a match.
Then, there are many people who are not confidant about their choice, they have a feeling that they may not be able to find the right person.
I am not the one against the idea of an arranged marriage, I actually feel that it should change with time. I mean, in earlier times the boy and girl were not allowed to meet before marriage today some people let them meet but only after the date of marriage is fixed.
It’s not possible to know a person by just meeting him/her once or twice, in fact we may not know a person in spite of staying with them for a long time. Here what I want to say is, if one meets a person often at least there’s a chance to know the person little. Here, I would say something is better than nothing. One can at least see how a person behaves in a social place, his mannerisms, the way he talks and the way he conducts himself.
I know a girl who had an arranged marriage, the boy and his family was perfect to look at, an only child, well qualified parents, financially stable in every way. She did meet him a couple of times before the wedding, and did feel that he is not right for her. But when she expressed her thoughts to her parents, they ignored her, the marriage was done in a grand manner and within one month she just had to leave that house, could not stay with that boy any more. He was a maniac- sex maniac
Money and sex are very important things in a marriage, but in a conservative society like ours these things are never discussed before marriage. I strongly feel that it’s very important for a boy and girl to meet as many times as possible before they decide to get married, and discuss on as many issues as possible. Because after the first few days or months of marriage the passion will wear off and what will be seen is the reality with which one has to live throughout their life.
I am not against the concept of arranged marriages, In fact, I have seen numerous arranged marriages which are successful.
What I would like to say is that we need to be progressive and let our children meet their prospective alliance as many times as possible. In different places, may be a movie hall, parks, restaurants, with friends, pubs, picnics, relatives. Only then can one know the person more and get comfortable with them.
This way, arranged marriages can be really successful and will make everyone happy.