The Story of SKILL Foundation — 10

Prem Verma
Sep 5, 2018 · 6 min read
The Environment Council of SKILL Foundation

Continued…..
Catharsis is a Greek word meaning purification and purgation of emotions particularly pity and fear through any extreme changes in emotion. It results in renewal and restoration. Aristotle used Catharsis in art and literature to establish that a tragedy is superior to a comedy because of its beneficial effect on the reader or spectator.
I have stated in my last post that just within a short period of four months of my marriage in Feb1971, I went through a period of catharsis. The extreme emotions were provided by the bliss of my marriage and the disappointment at my failure to enter the Civil Services. The disappointment was heightened by the fact that it was my first and the last chance. At that time the age limit was 24 years and I had just crossed the age of 24 in March 1971! So this catharsis really purged and purified my emotions.
At SKILL Foundation the senior students often face many rejections in admissions and employment. So I tell them that when one door closes, they will notice that many doors open which may be better for them. They have to just look for the open doors and forget the closed one.
Two factors helped me get over this emotional crisis. The first was my ingrained habit and love for any hard work at hand cultivated during my childhood. I simply love hard physical work. That is why karma-yoga is an essential part of the curriculum of SKILL Foundation. The students learn the value of hard physical labour by everyday cleaning of the school and the neighbourhood area.
The famous book of Jim Stovall, The Ultimate Gift is also part of their English learning. The book through an interesting story of a young man Jason Stevens, teaches the students the value of Twelve Gifts of which the first gift is the Gift of Work. The students of SF repeat by rote, ‘One who loves his work never labours’ and ‘One who can do a hard work with pride and efficiency can do anything in life’. This lesson boosts their confidence so much. They know that no matter where they are, whether they are rich or poor, whether they have a high job or low, they are happy. My heart is filled with pride when I see these old students during various stages of life cheerfully greet me with the slogan of SF ‘I will do it Sir’.
The second factor which helped me was the understanding, support and sympathy from my family members and specially my wife. She never let her disappointment show and was always boosting my morale. In her company I realised that actually I had no valid reason to be disappointed. I really did not deserve to be in Civil service since I had neither dreamt of it nor ever worked for it seriously. I had developed a late craving for it merely by seeing a friend being appreciated for getting into Central Services. I had qualified in the written exams merely because of my extensive reading during student days. My wife made me recall that I had always dreamt to become a mechanical engineer. Now that I was one with a most prestigious job in BSL, why be disappointed?

I resumed my work at Bokaro with full gusto. No one could discern in me any disappointment at my failure. My natural friendliness with the workers made me a leader of men. I worked so hard that my Superintending Engineer, who was himself a workaholic, became my fan. I learnt from him how to be a good jugaru in the field of construction. He would often repeat, ‘Things won’t come to you, you have to go and get them’. Only thing for which he would be angry at me was for running away to Patna so frequently. It was a source of entertainment for my friends whenever he called me to his room, to fire me left and right in chaste English. They would crowd near the closed door to overhear the exchange of words which was heightened purposely by me by my rejoinders in English. I used to enjoy the smile on the faces of my colleagues after such encounters.
Away from work, to relieve the strain of the difficult conditions, I resumed my life with the friends in our fun making activities. My pride would not let them notice at all my disappointment. During my absence, the vacancies in my Bengali mess as also in my favourite joint E/482 was filled. Yet I piled on them and started looking for alternatives. I craved for a married accommodation to get my wife to join me. My friends sincerely helped me out. They arranged a two room apartment to be shared with another newly married friend. My wife joined me, but the arrangement proved a fiasco and did not last for even two months. Soon I and my friend realised that we have a basic difference in temperament and priorities. I wanted to have fun with my wife moving around, meeting my friends, going to movies, shopping etc. He wanted both the ladies to work in kitchen and prepare good food. Worst was his proposal to go every Sunday to go to the hatia for vegetables etc. So we split amicably. Moreover, my wife came in family way and my mother insisted that she should remain in her care.
Again my vagabond like life resumed, but how long could I pile on my friends at E482. During this period I lived in a house with a worker and his family and my experience was most embarrassing. He had a two roomed flat and he rented out the inner room to me. I had to cross the whole house including the inner verandah in which the kitchen and a single bathroom opened. I would just put my head down and enter my room and shut myself up. At times the children would be crying, or the husband wife quarrelling or the lady not prepared for an outsider to enter. Early morning I would leave the house and return late in the night or even spend some nights with my friends.
My frequent visits to Patna continued. I would be looking for every conceivable excuse and opportunity to run to Patna. I would be often humming this popular movie song of the time on weekends.
पिपरा के पतवा सरीखा डोले मनवा
कि जियरा मां उठत हिलोर
अरे पुरवा के झोंकवा से आयो रे संदेसवा
कि चल आज देसवा की ओर
It aptly depicts the emotion of home sickness. Whenever my friends heard me singing this song they would tease me about running away to Patna.
At Patna, my pleasure was heightened by the continued presence of Jamuna Thakur and about half a dozen elderly ladies who had come for the marriage. They continued in their goodness to help out my sick mother and the newly arrived bride. Most of the ladies loved my mother because of the help that she had continuously rendered in past to them in the matter of medical treatment, and education and employment of children. It was during this period that I and my wife learnt so much about my mother from the anecdotes of Jamuna Thakur and the ladies. It was real fun to talk to them. Once one of my outspoken aunts called me aside and told me in confidence that my wife was very tender and I should handle her carefully. The Hindi word she used was khincha which is used only for tender vegetables!
So the festive atmosphere started at my marriage continued for about a year. It ended abruptly with my mother passing away due to a massive heart attack. Fortunately, I was there by her side as also all her dear ones including her childhood friend Jamuna. She had died exactly one year after my marriage in February 1972. Today I have no words to express my gratitude to my late mother for getting me married off so hurriedly. Just two months after her death, we were blessed with the presence of a beautiful daughter. I always consider my wife and my daughter as wonderful gifts from my mother.

Karma- Yoga in the neighbourhood
SF students serve the community on the occasion of Chhath Pooja

To be continued……….

Prem Verma

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SKILL Foundation is a charitable educational Trust. It develops skills of underprivileged children by engaging with them in innovative ways.

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