Emotion’s Immortal Enemy
Sometimes I wake up with a heaping amount of negativity in the morning. Most of the time it’s just fatigue, but sometimes thoughts about how much I don’t want to do anything today ambush me as soon as I step out of bed. If anyone wakes up in the morning feeling well rested, then I am peanut butter and jealous for sure. Interestingly enough, if you asked me if I am a morning person, I would be tempted to answer, “Yes.” Paradoxically, I love mornings. It’s just the first 30 minutes or so that bog me down. At 5am I am miserable, yet at 6am I feel like I’m on top of the world.
Negative energy can seep into just about anything. Just this past week, I was talking with a friend about how feelings can really get in the way of getting things done. Feelings can lead you astray even when all the information you have is stacked against the feeling being experienced. You can have an incredible day at work and still feel despondent when you get home. You can have someone that loves you intensely, but for some reason it doesn’t feel right. You can watch the Justice League and still have a great day somehow. Feelings are mysterious. There are certainly ways to regulate emotion, but even the most physically and spiritually healthy person is going to have random bumps in the road because life sometimes disrupts positive experiences at the drop of a hat.
What is someone to do then? In my time of observing other people’s behaviors, regulating my own emotion, and getting advise from others, there appears to be one thing in particular that can undermine any kind of emotional hijacking. Time. Time is the eternal enemy of emotion because, as we will explore, feelings just don’t last. It’s simultaneously one of the worst and best things about feelings, and we can harness emotion’s fragility to make better decisions and ironically “feel” better in doing so.
Someone hurt you. Someone hurt you SEVERELY 5 years ago. Do you remember though? It all depends on what happened of course, but odds are you do not. I was trying to recall all the vividly bad experiences I have had in life and narrow it down to maybe 10 that were the absolute worst. After recalling 10, I had a hard time remembering any more. Furthermore, maybe 1 or 2 of the memories had a notable emotional impact on my present self. Getting ghosted in 2013 was a terrible experience. As an early dating experience, it gave me a really cynical view on people/women/dating in general. Today, though, I am convinced, that after 4 years, the ghosting incident doesn’t have much influence on how I feel. I have all the perks of hindsight and almost no emotional reaction. It’s fantastic. If it’s any consolation, I have found that the vast majority of terrible life events become more and more beneficial as time passes.
The way that time dulls past pain, for better or for worse, applies to great feelings too. That infamous cliché, “I knew I was going to marry him/her after the first date.” We’ve all heard it before, and in my opinion it’s a laughable claim to make because, first of all, you probably felt that way about every significant other you have had (otherwise you wouldn’t have continued dating them). Call it what you want, but I think weddings should have a whole lot more to do with long-term commitment and the celebration of the thriving relationship. The thrill of being on a first date is just not something that matters all that much in marriage. If that brief feeling was what mattered then we would all just date a person for 2 weeks then break up and find a new person for the next 2 weeks. Maybe that’s a bit critical, but wouldn’t it be preferable to have a relationship based on emotions as well as something more lasting? The test of time is no joke.
Here’s how you can use it…….
The 10/10/10 Rule
How can we take advantage of time’s ability to chip away at our emotion then? Well, to start let’s talk about the 10/10/10 rule. If you’re bent out of shape about anything, ask yourself if you will still care in 10 minutes, 10 weeks, and then 10 years. Some problems don’t even make it past the 10 minute mark. Most don’t make it past the 10 week mark. Almost none make it to the 10 year mark. The reverse application of this is to ask yourself if making a choice will make you feel good in those three time frames. You’ll feel real good about decisions you’re making if you pay the most attention to 10 week and 10 year results. Exercise, for example, neglects the 10 minute window in order to benefit the long term 10 week and 10 year categories.
Taking a Pause
Ever get the impulse to buy something you don’t want? Well, you can use time to your advantage. Wait 5 minutes and ask yourself again if you want to make that decision. It’s highly likely that you will forget all about it. If you do remember, the time should serve to add more thought to your choice. For impulses to be effective, the decision needs to be fast, and a brief delay disrupts the pattern.
Step Outside
Removing yourself from an emotionally charged situation works. Add that to the list of ways to use time to your advantage. Additionally, if you’re tired when working at a desk, getting out of a seated position and walking outside can get rid of some of the frustration, fatigue, and negativity.
First Things First
If you’re going to make time your best friend, then you need to prioritize. What in your life will be evergreen in value as long as you live? What do you care about the most? What do your friends and family care about the most? Do you agree with their priorities? Does your environment try to make you care about things that you don’t value? I am real big on the idea of individuality because conformity leads to regret, which is a monster of an emotion. Time does not solve problems with regret because the time has already been spent. We are blessed with time, and if we don’t use it effectively, our conscience will never let us hear the end of it. Do the work, say the words, create the relationship, and take action while you have the chance.
Conclusion: Why Feelings Aren’t Useless
The way I see it there are facts and there are feelings. Feelings tend to be powerful, yet fleeting and inconsistent. Facts are not that powerful, yet they are consistent and tend to hold true over the years. Acknowledging the power of time is all about bringing facts into your reasoning process. When there’s no need to think factually, then feelings are your best friend. Feelings are the stuff of life. Feelings give you a way to immediately react to the here and now. In my opinion, time acts as a safety measure so that emotions don’t get out of control. I’m glad I don’t care anymore about that class I failed in college, but I’m also happy that I get the opportunity to feel thankful for what I have every single morning. The sword cuts both ways. Best learn to use it to your advantage.
