Blue Eyes

Preston Manley
Sep 3, 2018 · 2 min read

On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, I called my mom:

“I’m just walking home from work to grab my stuff and then I’ll be on my way to see you!”

“Awesome, I can’t wait!”

“Yeah. When I get there, me and you are going to talk about some things.”

“Oh, okay! We can go for a walk or a drive or just sit in my room or whatever.”

I was carrying my jacket over my arm. I put it over my mouth and breathed into it hard.

I said it. I’m doing this. We’re going to have this conversation.


I sat down next to Mom on the bed:

“Well, I’m not exactly sure how to say this. This is the first time I’ve ever said it out loud before. But…I’m pretty sure I’m gay. Like, I am attracted to men, and that attraction is deeper and more powerful than any attraction I’ve had to women.”

I sighed. Mom smiled. “Well, of course you know that we love you and this doesn’t change anything. And we’re right here with you as you figure things out.”

We talked for a long time. Early in the conversation, Mom gently interrupted me:

“Don’t look down like that. You can look me in the eyes when you talk about it. There’s nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. Being ashamed of being gay would be like being ashamed of having blue eyes!”


I woke up the next morning with a jolt of excitement and relief. I did it! I had finally said what had been on my mind for so long.


Since then, I have continued down my long path of self-discovery. I am no longer pretty sure I’m gay, I’m just sure. And though I, like so many others, still struggle to get rid of the sense of shame that seems to be the annoying companion of homosexuality, I have made a lot of progress. I have spoken openly with the rest of my family and some very close friends; I have been strengthened by their love and amazed by their support. To progress further down this path, I think it is important to be more open about this part of myself with more people. That’s why I’ve decided to publish these thoughts and why I look forward to sharing more of my story with anyone who would like to hear it.

I would encourage anyone who is facing a tough challenge or struggling to find the words to express themselves to reach out — to me, to friends, to family, most especially to God, who has been my constant, kind companion on this journey. Honesty and authenticity can be powerful tools in building a happier, more peaceful life.

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