If you think this is an article about love, it’s where you’re extremely wrong. It’s about the cycle of thoughts one bears, complex and doesn’t have structure, doesn’t have a proper flow.
A million thoughts in my head, should I let my heart keep listening? — If Only, Dove Cameron from Descendants
Thoughts keep running in my head endlessly; confusion has flooded my mind, seeking for a response. So many questions of ‘What Ifs’ that requires an immediate answer or I might just end up bursting these unsaid thoughts.
“If only I knew what my heart was telling me, don’t know what I’m feeling, is this just a dream?”
My heart being in heavy pain, but even I don’t know the reason of why it’s in such a pain… or is it even pain?
It’s like I’m back to square one, back from bed rotting, back from endlessly overthinking even the smallest of things, back from shutting the world down as if it doesn’t exist and it’s only an image I created in my mind to feel better — I am tired of this cycle that I created. When will it ever end?
Life has given me so much to be grateful for; God has given me every blessings I could ever ask for, even my companions in this journey I’m off to are people who I feel extremely glad. However, this hole in my heart seems to be as hollow that it cannot bear the thought of breathing. I do hope my companions understand that I have the tendency to leave when things gets unbearable.
I’ve been told of the many great things I am able to do, that I have enough intellect to pursue what I do want. How does one do exactly that when one doesn’t know what the heart desires?
I do know what it craves for: tranquility. Owning a bookshop café in a small town away from civilization where everyone knows everyone. But even that seems to be too common for my liking.
Anyways, I am still hopeful that things will work out in my favor. It shall for I would make it happen.
