Waking up this morning.
Like every day.
And like every day — unless I over-sleep — I stay in bed for a while. The senses already awake. I then look around and out of the window, what weather is today? I then listen into the silent dawn, what is there to hear today? I then feel down on my body, what is there to report today in terms of tension?
Is everything calm? Then I transform.
For a few minutes I then become the boss of my own company. And my own company, that’s me. Me, in my system. Body, mind and soul. As the boss of my own company, which I am myself, I have tons of employees, even myself. And I want to be a good, mindful, diligent boss.
That is, why I go from department to department every morning. I scan the company and they know that I do the floor walk. Daily. That is why those who need my advice or support are already waiting for me. Everyone else does their tasks and kindly waves to me, walking by.
The employees in my company, which is my system, are my inner parts, voices, organs, cells, thoughts and feelings. All those who are employed by me.
For example, there is the stomach. I barely get past the stomach department any morning without someone shouting: “I am hungry!” Of course, today as well. As so often, I tell them to be a little patient, it is Saturday, and to consume the energy they have accumulated in the far left drawer of the storage and I wonder why they are collecting and hoarding energy at all, in these times of abundance.
There is also an adventure department. Sometimes I wonder if the light is ever turned off here, because whenever I walk the floor, it is already a lot of activity there. And I can always read the same question on the wall: “What are we doing today?” Loud debates or daring presentations take place and sometimes I even perceive romantic film music. The staff in this department are numerous, and almost daily others come together. Today I see cockiness, courage, concern, sanity, desire, the visionary and the critic. Cockiness and visionary are having a show of a series of images accompanied by wild music. I can see climbs — viae ferratae — at dizzying heights and horrified faces of sanity and concern, as well as a mischievous smile of desire. “Beautiful” I think and “yes, today is Saturday,” and I move on.
There is also a Council of Elders in me, it consists of a long table with cosy armchairs. The table gets longer and longer with each newly resigned member. There sit deceased, for example my godfather Manfred, my grandfathers, my ex-husband’s passed-away dog and … Harry Potter — but why he is sitting there, that is a longer story. The Council of Elders is sometimes very wise when I have questions on certain issues and often is very stubborn. In addition, the many members like to disagree with each other, and until they have reached a consensus, my own decision has long been made. Today, everything is quiet. They sit together over coffee and scrambled eggs and already play card games. “Today is Saturday,” I think again for myself. Saturdays are usually this quiet.
Now, however, my conscience bites me and it pulls me into the basement. Yes, there is also a basement. Yesterday I was very angry at my anger suddenly rising inside of me, I do not want to repeat why it came. But it came. It was not a good behaviour to just lock it up. Rather, I should have asked it why it wanted to draw attention to itself, but it just didn’t work. Instead, I felt it coming up in that moment last night and before it could make a peep, I had captured it, suppressed it and locked it up. Now it is sitting here, without a blanket, freezing in the basement. I take it to the fireplace room — yes, I even have a fireplace in me, right next to the Solar Plexus — we pause for a while, sit close together. Then I ask questions, I should have asked yesterday, apologize, listen and reconcile with my anger. We are good again. Anger is part of me. And I don’t need to strive for a better me. Anger is allowed. To be.
I then go on with my morning round, and today it is very quiet in me, in my company. Because it is Saturday. In my brain, I notice how neuro-hormones interact from the insula to the hippocampus and I become aware of whispers and giggles. I guess, the images I saw in the adventure department this morning, have reached the top.
Excited about the day, which lies ahead of me, I am finishing my floor walk. As always, in the heart.
“Good morning, heart,” I welcome it, like every morning. “How are you, today?” “I don’t dare to say it at all.” answers the heart, like every morning. “I was already fine yesterday, but I feel kind of better off today.” Then it adds, as every day: “I love my life.”
“It’s Saturday,” I think with joy. “Like every day.”