Part I: Faith in choosing my documentary film

I sit on my bed at a hotel room in Chicago, IL., carrying a weight in which I have temporarily shelved during this vacation. Tonight, I take it down from the shelf and try to unpack it.

“God, where is your calling for me on this film which I need to make? I am so waiting for Your voice that has directed me all my life to whisper into my heart, assuring that I am not alone, that my Daddy has got me, and that this documentary will be made with Your hands and hands alone,” I pray.

I have been weighing between options for a topic for my thesis documentary. I just so want to begin filming and interviewing and to start this process. I have heard and read it all — don’t just be visionary, do it.

“But I am not just having these ideas in my head,” I argue with myself. “I am taking effort in reaching out to various sources to get connections to potential subjects for these films.”

So what am I wrestling with? More importantly, who am I wrestling against?

“God,” I pray, “I am just seeking an answer to which direction to take at this time. You know that I purposefully and healthily shelved this decision away for a few hours to let myself rest. And it’s been good, it’s been hard. I do not have an answer and I just want to be away with you to hear from you,” I say.
“I have been searching for comfort and answers from supplementary sources like Bethel who interviewed the producers of Ben-Hur and The Bible series, or the “Filming God” book by Darren Wilson. I have been reminded of the visions M and E have seen about my life — pregnancy and a birth and a reminder of Your strength in this journey.”
*Note: hs = Holy Spirit

I just posted on Facebook about what I am wrestling with and the fight to keep trusting in Him:

So, to conclude, I do not have answer for tonight. But I do have His word and encouragement from community to keep the faith and keep pressing on towards the goal of Christ.

Amen.