The Twilight Princess.
She loves Zelda. More specifically the music of Zelda.
Koji Kondo.
It was one of the first things she shared with me.
It’s great music: Spotify
She had a CD that she loved.
I have a silly habit of choosing (well, allowing to be chosen) the names of Princesses. I’ve had Moon, Stars, Water. Hers occurred when I wasn’t thinking about Zelda but was looking at her during some twilight moment. Even when I said it I had forgotten about the association with Zelda.
It’s dumb.
The silly things love can hang on. The ridiculous moments, the little in-jokes.
She’s also the first woman I’ve ever looked at and thought, “I want her to be my Queen.” So quickly this dream was dashed. It was so completely natural, holding her head in my hands. It was completely natural.
How foolish must I have been to have lost this one?
She is probably having a perfect night tonight. Out with her Prince Charming and enjoying every moment — no thought spared for her “mistake.”
Boiled down to a mistake; she fought so hard to claim she wasn’t that kind of girl. The kind to just change how she feels on a dime, the kind to just disappear.
When I accused her of emotionally investing in this other guy (not our Prince Charming, of course) she responded angrily. She had only hung out with him a couple of times.
Begun a romantic relationship??? Who the fuck do you think I am??? You’ve must have had to deal with some sloppy, rash whores in the past. I am not like that.
But it only took her a few hours to begin a romantic relationship with Prince Charming when he showed up.
I can’t blame her — it’s Prince Charming — why delay when you’ve found a much better guy?
But that had been my point all along, that with Mr. Right came along for her she was probably going to just dump me. It wasn’t about being a sloppy, rash whore but about looking for the best opportunity she could find.
That was the point I was trying to make to her, that it was only natural for her to be seeking that. That she wasn’t being honest with herself if she didn’t acknowledge that. And that was the sense I had.
What I don’t know is if I could have stopped her looking. If I could have kept her gaze upon me when Prince Charming showed up. I have no idea — she didn’t either when we discussed it but she did acknowledge that there would have been “nothing that could have kept me from seeing him” on the night of the concert.
And there was no way she would have turned down his advances to hangout, even under the auspices of friendship.
In light of those remarks which prevails?
Nature.
Words find their way to meaningless — all her protests of loyalty, all her promises of truth and not playing games and really, truly wishing to be with me ended up amounting to…
Nothing.
From the moment they started talking over Facebook till they had set a date and she was exuberant about her future with him was 90 minutes, give or take a few. They had set a date, she didn’t even hesitate.
…
No matter what, it seems the outcome would have been the same.
Disappointing & Reassuring.
I wonder what she thinks. Now that she has the benefit of hindsight and she’s no longer worried about losing him and already have given me up.
The Twilight Princess. She really is among the most rare and unique women I’ve ever come upon, if not the most. I wish I hadn’t let my own self-doubt trip me up so many times.
I promised brutal honesty with myself in exploring this short-lived love (at least, hers for me). Today, after feeling so angry since we last spoke on Wednesday it really hit me again. Talking to my friends with honesty can provoke it and today… I clutched my brush where her long golden hair still fills the bristles.
It’s the only thing I have left of hers.
I miss running my fingers through the strands of gold on my Twilight Princess.
