Waiting…

Not much to say. I’ve been waiting. I hung out with some friends today, some very attractive and I kept thinking of Her. Laughing at myself and wondering where she was. (While I do think of her often, I don’t often dare wonder where she is).

Last year, about now, we would have been together. I would have been beaming with pride. She had worked… We had worked so hard and it paid off. A beautiful performance. That moment when the light halo faded all around her was perfect.

So good. I don’t know how else to say it. It should be said in other more meaningful ways but I got nothing.

It’s been such a long day and I find myself so exhausted. Laughing at me. Why aren’t you here? Why am I rejecting all these other women for you? Why am I so sure that you are the you I think you are and that I want you all the more for that.

Mostly. Why the hell haven’t you read my letters?

It’s October 11. 439 hours, 12 minutes since I last saw her. Far, far too long. Oh, sure I’ve cheated and lingered on her Instagram but since we shared the same space. Last year, on today, we ended up just running errands. Getting her a spare key, running to a Halloween shop and most importantly. A car wash. I don’t know why that sticks out in my mind but it was a big deal.

I wrote, “Everything Made Sense,” in my thoughts last year. She really did make sense, just….. I could be open with Her. I know her guy isn’t as great as I am and yet… maybe he can give Her more tangible things. So. Fuck me.

Which is exactly what I want Her to be doing. Late nights, bad puns.