To my parents, on their 40th Wedding Anniversary –

“Each day I strive a bit harder to be YOU”

Haven’t we all troubled our parents through our growing up years? — We loved to disagree with them on almost everything. And each time they said, “we are older and wiser” we thought it was so lame. We were like little rebels through our adolescence, picking habits they disapproved of, hanging out at places they said were no-go zones. We thought we had outsmarted them when in reality they always knew what we were up to. We foolishly questioned their sensibilities over our immaturity, with reasons good enough only to convince our stupid young selves.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I now think of those many questions you would ask, all those questions, which seemed so annoying then, that felt like you just didn’t get me, they seem so relevant today.

Now I know those were questions that you as parents deserved to know — and still deserve to know.

Ma [Mamma]

I remember fighting bitterly with you over the length of my school skirt. Why could I not wear it shorter? Why would you always undo the tacky hemline that I would do to my skirt? Why didn’t you understand that it was important for me to look ‘cool’ in school?

I also remember waking up in the middle of the night to find you by my bedside with cold towels and thermometers as my body burned with fever.

I remember a furious you when I decided to skip my Math exam because I just wasn’t prepared but I also remember a proud you standing on the sides every time I got an award in school. That look on your face I never wanted to miss.

Papa

I remember howling and running after your army jeep every time you would go away on long postings.

I remember you singing a Bengali song and gently patting me to sleep.

I remember when didi got married, during her bidai you looked up at the skies to hold back your tears…and I quietly came and stood by your side.

………

And through all these years, as I’ve grown older, my teenage angst has given way to an understanding of why you said what you said. Of why you were the way you were. And unlike then, now I don’t questions your wisdom, your ways and habits. Now I embrace all of that more than ever and I find myself naturally gravitating to all that you are made of — your likes, dislikes, your values, and your principles.

As I find myself at crossroads, almost starting out all over again in life, transitioning from work back to school, struggling with hefty student loans — you ask me, with a parent’s heart-

“Do you have enough? Do you need any money?”

And I want you to know — because of YOU I have more than enough.

I have the world.

Though there is no way I can ever payback,

I want you to know that each day I try to be everything that you hoped I would be…

And each day I strive a bit harder to be “YOU”.