I warn you, that this post might be more dark than you imagine. Definitely, not for tainted hearts, but for the depressed hearts, who put themselves in a place of bloody misery.
Have you ever felt some words popping into your mind whenever something deep happens? I do. I stood there, on the edge of the terrace, seemingly wanted to have that gentle breeze swirl over my body and the song playing through my headphones, which feels like am there, singing that song. I was into it. I lost myself into it. Something interrupted the song, I can sense the voice going down and memories trying to protrude itself, ripping apart my moment of silence.
Memories, I tell you, the most versatile weaponry. It can make you feel like heaven and at the same time, it has the ability to crush you down to hell.
And it started playing..
Happiness, sadness, agony, guilt, emotional, pain and everything which makes you go in vain, flash in-front of your eyes. You wouldn’t know what to be expressed.. Will you smile? or cry? or the tears falling down your cheek with the smirk on your face? I tell you.. Everything is going to pain you, make you feel missed. No one would be around you to wipe your tears or a shoulder to lean on. You can talk to a million people. But no one could feel like you do.
More than anything, the fear of guilt and misjudging are the most crucial ingredients of my life’s misery. I don’t know what I did, may be, I might have done something bad to someone which puts me in a place of guiltiness. Sometimes, I felt guilt for things I haven’t done and I did to make the things let go. I know that no one might understand what I have been talking about but don’t try to refrain me saying that you actually understood. If you did, you wouldn’t be still consoling as this pain is going to heal over time.
I accept the fact that I.. a failure in life, in family, as a friend, as a boy-friend(if suppose that happens) and as a human. I have that guilt all over me and you are going to misjudge me every single time and I am tired of explaining. Even if I do, you won’t trust me. I lost many and I will lose the remaining too. But till the end, I will remain, seeing these with my own eyes regretting every second of life. You should always have reason to do something. It even goes to your life. If you don’t have the satisfaction or the interest to hold on things that you have now, then its meaningless to have it around.