Originally published at lmt-lss.com on March 14, 2016.
Being a little perceptive can help the men out there.
While I’m wary of labeling relationship problems to gender, there are some darned times I’m certain it’s a result of gender and how we are taught to interact with the world. A little bit to my chagrin, here are 7 common mistakes I’ve observed with men in relationships, courtesy of several online forums and personal conversations with girlfriends.
1. They aren’t present.
Men are often just not present to the relationship and their partners. They’re not engaged enough or rooted into the conversation. Everything just passes by for them and when women ask about what’s going on, there’s no definitive answer. Bringing a presence of mind and inclination to paying attention can really help in a relationship.
2. They don’t ‘understand’ women.
This one infuriates me a lot because I’ve heard far too many men tell me this one. What does it even mean when you say you don’t understand women? If you don’t put in the attention to listen, of course you aren’t going to understand. And contrary to silly, popular belief, women don’t talk in riddles. Women communicate when something is wrong and you should keep your ears open to understand that.
3. They are intimidated by women.
This one is valid. Women can intimidate you and that’s normal. Women will put up a strong front to keep themselves protected, which can, in turn, make it difficult to break through a very tough exterior. Just give it time. Be kind, be genuine. It’s not just women who want this. It’s everybody.
4. They don’t pay attention to feelings.
This one is a big red flag too. In between lessons of how to be masculine, men are often taught to control their emotions and be macho and strong. In that process, men learn to ignore overt displays of emotion around them too. Women are more in tune with their emotions and when the men in their lives don’t pat attention to it, especially when they’re looking to them for support, it can be frustrating. Men, just don’t shy away when women are emotional. Everybody feels miserable sometimes. I bet you do too.
5. They don’t make their partners important.
Men can often downplay how significant the presence of their partners is in their life, again, to seem unfazed and unemotional or not overly attached to somebody. Your partner is important. They like someone who considers them as an integral part of their life. If you can’t see your partner as an important component, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them.
6. They are self-absorbed.
I’m sorry for saying this but many men are rather self-absorbed. I would say women are too but men are significantly involved in their own lives, so much so that they tend to not see beyond themselves. And if you’re going to be self-absorbed, you’re not going to have space to be engaged in your partner’s life.
7. They don’t see value in their partner.
I understand that everybody values the work the do and the way they lead their lives. But that also includes the people you interact with and your partner is a very important part of that fabric. You can’t go through life without noticing the value your partner adds to your life. That’s just unfair and frankly, a complete disregard for someone who expends for you more than most people would.
This isn’t meant to be a tirade against men. I’ll come up with a list for the women too. Look out for it!
Originally published at lmt-lss.com on March 14, 2016.
