LETTER TO THE 5 YEAR OLD I ONCE WAS
Dear Little Me,
I wish I could tell you some things from your future without wrecking the suspense of the expedition for you.
I realize that at 5 years old — you’d have no idea how the painful events of your young life would someday pale in comparison to tumultuous moments of adulthood, bringing you to your knees — making it feel like going on living is nothing but an exercise in futility.
When you get to that point dear one, know that all of it, yes, even soul crushing blows of the darkest days are part of your story.
Let me assure you — it will get easier. I am not going to tell you to “snap out of it” or to lighten up because I know how real your pain is, and embracing and facing the fear that comes with it (impossible it may be to imagine now) is going to be the best way for you to survive and thrive. Even when the hurting stays and never goes away.
Slowly you will make peace with the unfolding narrative and finally come to accept the tenderness in aching as a gift.
And thrive and succeed you will. Joy and happiness will come — in spades. But not in the original form you think it would. Your goals and aspirations will evolve just as your brokenness will change you.
In the beginning the only target would be financial excellence. I can tell you now, that it will buy you the most expensive bed but it can’t buy you sleep. It can get you nice things but it can’t fill deep voids.
Rest in the comfort though that, you will meet individuals who though sometimes not blood will see you through, these will be your people. Treasure and cherish them as long as you live and breathe. Be as generous as you can and expect nothing in return. They, like you are living their storylines — above all then — be kind, to all and to yourself. Forgive.
Oh and before I forget, and this might just be the most challenging aspect of humanity yet, do not even try to be right all the time. Prepare to be wrong, a lot — these teachable moments are priceless and will light your path and fuel never ending growth and maturity. The things that you steadfastly think are right may actually be all wrong and the things you think are wrong are really right. Be humble.
Apart from that, let the beauty of your intuition guide you. You will wander and lose your way countless times it would be laughable if it wasn’t tragically repetitive, but the learnings will all be worth it. You will someday recognize that losing your way will be necessary — to finding yourself over and over again. The sights and views will be magnificent — savour it all.
You will rack up miles, so have your travel documents ready. Heck you might even carry more than one passport. I won’t spoil that for you however, because it will be one of the most exciting piece of your adventuring. You will roam and go to places where you will meet gorgeous human beings whose friendships and love will take your breath away. Love true and deeply.
Home will change every now and then and you will find it in the most unexpected of countries. Learn to dress in layers
There will be two boys (major spoiler alert) who will call you a sweet name. Someone will come along to embrace your brokenness and his, you will receive — with all of your heart.
Nurture and respect that fragile heart little one. It will be your North star, navigating your way towards a life lived fully. It’s alright. Vulnerability can be charming.
Happy Birthday and have a phenomenal life, the way I am having one now.
October 10, 2021
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