The Toxic Pursuit of Perfection
Your English Is Way Better Than You Realise
Come On Old Man – No Lectures Please!
It’s an understatement to say that being invited to speak to a room full of 20 year old business students at Alcala University last week was a very daunting task.
It’s not easy speaking to people half your age without coming across as some condescending “I-know-best” boring old fart.
So finding a way to connect with these people was both surprising and rewarding in equal measure.
My self-deprecation dinosaur 🦖 slide appeared to get them on side. And from then on it quickly became obvious that we are all essentially the same.
We all share the same fears, doubts and demanding inner critics that stop us taking action.
They’ve just grown up with a mini laptop computer in the palm of their hand, making it incredibly challenging to block out the noise of ‘perfection’ and endless ‘be better’ messaging that’s rammed down our collective throats 24/7.
Stand-Up & Be Heard
The last time I voiced my opinions in front of an audience was during my final stand-up comedy performance in February 2020, two weeks shy of the global pandemic that would keep us all indoors for quite some time.
You see, the act of public speaking in itself was not the reason for my concern last week.
Being on stage makes me feel alive. I know how to connect with people in this situation; I know how to pace my voice so it’s slow enough to be understood yet quick enough to sound natural and unrehearsed.
I know that you need to make eye contact with everyone in the room, enough to make them feel like you’re talking directly to them, but not too much as to give the impression that you’re constantly staring at them, like some weird stalker.
For me, public speaking is like dancing. There’s a certain amount that’s clearly prepared and practiced. But then, you just have to relax and let go.
Feel the beat, the rhythm and the bass as they tremble through your bones. Then just let the music carry you whereever the energy beckons.
For many the thought of public speaking fills them with dread, and I totally get that. It isn’t for everyone.
But this wasn’t just about giving any old presentation. For me it was a way to finally get my message out to the world; to have a platform from which to test my language learning theory without giving the online nay-sayers the opportunity to tarnish my ideas with their toxic negativity.
A Late Learner
You may be reading this after watching my ‘fresas hechas’ video tutorials, a project I began last summer with the aim of providing Spanish-speaking learners of English with a collection of confidence building tools in the form of ready to use phrases and everyday expressions.
You see I started my Spanish language learning journey at the age of 34.
- I didn’t experience the rigidity of the grammar heavy schooling system where so much importance is placed on the shoulders of reciting lists of irregular verbs and regurgitating vocab simply to pass exams, after which the information is cast to the chasm of forgotten stuff!
- The notion of speaking and using your target language in practice is accidental to school-based learning.
The second to last line from that previous bullet point sums my message up nicely. “Cast to the chasm of forgotten stuff”! Clearly the word ‘stuff’ doesn’t belong there if you want to view that sentence as a grammatically correct, vocabulary enriched example of English! But that’s my point.
When you’ve spent your school years being shown the ‘correct’ and ‘perfect’ ways to use another language, it leaves you scarred.
Dubbed Movies & TV Shows
My clients here in Spain have an incredible ability to communicate in English but sadly, THINK that they don’t.
They’re crippled by perfectionism, haunted by memories of sentence structure and past participles,
They are innocent victims of the Spanish ‘doblaje’ film and TV industry. A multi-million Euro beast that denied them the opportunity to listen and passively learn English in a way that would have propelled their vocabulary and confidence to the same level of their Portuguese neighbours.
They have spent years watching colleagues speak up in meetings, whilst they sat quietly in the shadows of shame.
Unwilling to express their ideas for the fear of mispronunciation, making mistakes and of course, what others may think of them.
It is these deeply rooted emotions that form the premise of my message. Because I understand the frustration when trying to communicate in another language.
Endlessly searching for the right words, whilst carrying the burden of paranoia and embarrassment when I’m met with the face of confusion, the head tilt of misunderstanding.
Perfection Sucks – Speak Up!
I believe the “be fluent in 6 months” and “speak like a native” sales pitch is damaging people’s ability to truly see how incredible their second language skills are.
Dangling toxic carrots of comparison may well keep people coming back for more classes and courses. And undoubtedly those attending them will experience a certain amount of improvement.
But I would argue it does little for your overall self-esteem if no one is reassuring you that actually your accent is not only cool and sexy, but it’s part of what makes you you.
My aim is help you silence your inner critic and reflect how far you’ve come.
Perfectionism is the serial killer of improvement because it stops us taking action, trying things out and moving forward.
A smarter man than me said “Don’t let perfection be the enemy of the good”*.
So:
“Speak up”
“Tu puedes”
“Lo importante es comunicarse”
Let’s collectively block out the dangerous promise of perfection, so we can all wake up to the fact that the emperor isn’t wearing any clothes and we are all good enough as we are.
Por cierto; You’ve found me at the start of my marketing journey. Without a lead magnet to add you to my (yet to be created) mailing list.
My blog and podcast series are both still under production and I haven’t got a Link Tree because I don’t have a garden big enough to plant one in!
So thanks for getting this far and I’d love to hear your thoughts on all this.
Mil gracias a tod@s por tu tiempo. It’s been emotional and refreshing to finally speak my mind.
Hasta pronto – con mucho amor 🥰
P.S: I’d also like to say a massive thanks to Manj Bahra for the inspirational advice to publish my musings on Medium. It’s taken longer than I would have liked Manj, but I finally managed to (as you say) ‘beat self-sabotage’ and take action. Top man!
