I hate you!

I hate you. For reasons you may find unrealistic, I hate you. I abhor how much I have grown to love you. And I know love is not a feeling to abhor, but how can I not hate that I love you when I know I shouldn’t?

I shudder at how I feel so stuck on you. How I can’t stop myself from thinking of you. Or how memories of times we spent together haunts me. And I know I can let go, but why don’t I want to?

I despise how you’re the first thing I ponder upon in the early hours of the morning, and yet I can’t send you a ‘Good morning’ text. Because you don’t send me ‘Good morning’ texts so why should I?

I am repelled by how you have me faking scenarios in my head before I get lost in sleep. How jolly I get when I ween of moments we’ll get to share, and how I immediately turn blue when I think of how you might be sharing this same moments with someone else.

I don’t think I can continue to stomach how you leave my messages unread for long hours. How you don’t even play the reels I send to you, leaving me to do just the same while I question if you even regard me.

I dislike greatly that I can’t talk to you about how uneventful my day was. How I burnt the rice I made, then we’d laugh on how bad of a cook I am. Or how I got so stressed from working too hard, and you’d then console me as you blow a kiss over the phone.

I loathe that we only get to share intimate moments within the four walls of your home, and immediately I leave, that’s how it ends; “Till next time”

I hate you because you don’t even give me the chance to say “I love you” when that’s all what I want to whisper in your ears when we’re together; all I want to say to you over the phone; all I want to type to you over a text.

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