I’d say my life really started when I came back to the Lord. I was lost left to wander around for so many years and when God found me, everything began to fall into place. There was so much dross to burn away.. Yet, God in His absolute faithfulness started this process that I feel like I’m still trying to get through.
When I turned 19, I was about 6 months into walking and trying to straighten out my life. Then, he came along. It all happened so perfectly and quickly. So much so that I began to understand what Hazel Grace meant,
“I fell in love like I was falling asleep.”
I thought he was my soul mate. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Of course we had our obstacles and the hopes of our love being “strong enough” to withstand anything but, as it turns out.. we were wrong. Our problems began to pile up and as I clung to him for dear life, he began to push me away. I can still remember when I noticed him falling out of love with me, even though I tried my darnedest to deny it and pray against it. The end of this story was inevitable and neither of us could fight it no matter how much we wanted to. We both learned the hard way that God truly means business when He says that no man can open a door He has shut.
Its been more than a year now and I’ve done so many wonderful things. I have traveled the world, found several new passions to pursue and overall have become a brand new person. I realize now that I’m no longer the 19 year old girl who fell in love with a 23 year old boy. I’m more than that now. For so long I was either angry at him or longing for him to come back to me but, now.. I just want him to be a better person. I pray for him when he crosses my mind and hope that he’s well. And.. I forgive him. Even though we both had our part to play in our love story unraveling, I forgive him.