#1
every time i make an estimated tax payment, i have to fill in the information from my 2015 tax form. every single time i have to fill in my ex’s address, because i was living with him at that time. and every single time i have to fill that out, i just shake my head at how stupid in love i was. it was fun and i do not regret letting myself fall in that head-over-heels, we’re-totally-gonna-get-married, i’d-get-dumb-tattoos with you type of love. the love you never want to quit because you are so in love, and that’s all that really matters right? that “i’m just gonna look past all the obvious red flags and everything will work out fine” love. young love.
i don’t regret it because it was one of the best feelings i’ve ever had. and that shit lasted for a year.
i don’t regret it because it taught me so many lessons. i think most of the lessons sunk in after it was over, after the smoke cleared and i was my own again. how to be intimate, how to trust someone with everything you have, how to compromise, how to draw the line, what it looks like when you should really call it quits, why it is so important to love yourself first and how to let go.
but i don’t want to fall into that young, reckless love again. it was exhausting. i forgot about me because i was so wrapped up in him. i’m looking for that deep love. that patient love. that ‘i got you’ love.
